The Worst Storyline Ever Contest 2.0

Chuck_SambuchinoGuest Blogger: Chuck Sambuchino, editor and writer for Writer’s Digest, and host of the Guide To Literary Agents blog.
Here’s Chuck:
September 2015 sees the release of three of my new books, the 2016 Guide to Literary Agents, the 2016 Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market, and the anti-clown humor book When Clowns Attack: A Survival Guide.
To celebrate their release, we are bringing back a popular recurring contest: The “Worst Storyline Ever”—a competition that encourages terrible loglines. Winners get prizes.

The “Worst Storyline Ever” Contest 2.0

A logline is one sentence that explains what your story is about and shows the “hook” – the unique idea that makes people want to see more. You see loglines all the time on the back of DVD boxes. Here are some examples:

  • “Three middle-aged men defeat their midlife crises by starting a college fraternity.” (Old School)
  • “When a Roman general is betrayed and his family murdered by an evil emperor, he comes to Rome as a gladiator to seek revenge.” (Gladiator)
  • “In a future where criminals are arrested before the crime occurs, a cop struggles on the lam to prove his innocence for a murder he has not yet committed.” (Minority Report)

But that’s all the examples I’m going to give you, because I’m not looking for good examples of a logline; I’m looking for bad examples. Terrible, stupid, “oh-my-gosh-that-idea-REEKS” examples.
Examples of Bad Loglines (Previous Winners/Finalists):

  1. “After an unidentified cow swallows an armed nuclear device in a botched Homeland Security raid, Agent Tom Anderson is thrust into an unlikely partnership with buxom organic farmer Daisy Jones to sift through three hundred cows and 10 barns full of manure as the clock runs down in a desperate quest to save Kansas City from a moo-clear disaster.”
  2. “A young woman discovers she is half unicorn after farting a rainbow at her bat mitzvah, and must go on a hijinx-filled voyage of self discovery to find her real father and fit as ‘one of the herd.’”
  3. “Leonard the narcoleptic snail sets out on his lifelong dream of running the Boston Marathon while humming ‘Macarena,’ and invites you to join the excitement in real time.”

Stick to the format, but have fun with the idea. Your logline must be one sentence, 60 words or fewer, and explain what the movie/book is about. It’s what you put in that one sentence that will win you this competition. The trick is to make your logline a terribly creative idea that’s pitched in a minimal, professional manner.
The contest will go until the end of the day, 11:59 p.m., PDT, Monday, October 19th, two weeks from today. Submissions received after that will not be considered.
Chuck will judge the contest, with some possible input from other WD and WD Books staffers.
To participate, simply leave a comment at the end of this post with your submission and your full name. Make sure we are able to reach you through your website or email. (If you’re reading this via email, comment by clicking: HERE.)

You can submit up to two (2) bad loglines. You can include both in the same comment if you wish.
The contest is open to everyone of all ages, save those employees, officers and directors of GLA’s publisher, F+W: A Content and eCommerce Company (formerly F+W Media).
If you have any questions about the contest, e-mail Chuck directly at Do not leave them in the comments and do not e-mail Rachelle.
You do not have to share news of this contest to enter, but if you want to share this fun contest with others, here is an easy tweet:

Create the worst storyline you can – and win writing prizes. via @chucksambuchino and @rachellegardner.   Click to Tweet


There will be 3 winners.

Each winner receives:

  • A critique by Chuck Sambuchino of either your one-page query letter or one-page synopsis .
  • Your pick of a free book from any of his 3 recent releases:


guide to literary agents 2016


2016 Guide to Literary Agents







childrens writers market 2016


2016 Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market







when clowns attack


When Clowns Attack: A Survival Guide.









Chuck Sambuchino is an editor and instructor for Writer’s Digest Books. Find him on Twitter.


  1. Mary Jones says:

    The Big race was almost at a close, The Tortes and the hair were neck to neck, finally into the finish stretch, the tortes gained lead on the hair by his nose, but suddenly, the crafty hair, tapes the tortes’ beak, causing the tortes to retract into his shell, once inside his shell, the tortes switches on the nitrous oxide.

  2. Jade Stewart says:

    1. A vampire gets accepted into art school but becomes scared when he learns that his final project is a self-portrait made of garlic.

    2. After his mother’s death, famous formula racer Jack Van Quoi, with the help of his monkey assistant Sigma, takes over her businesses: cattle farming and porcelain collectible miniatures.

  3. Jean Davidson says:

    A children’s tale of a sheep whose discovery that his fur was acrylic instead of wool has caused a snag in his relationship with the clique of the herd.

  4. Kyle Gaffney says:

    The Wilson family wins an all expense paid vacation to Jurassic Park. They spend a joyful week seeing every dinosaur on their “must see” list, savor numerous gourmet meals and enjoy quality time together. Only after daughter Margot finally puts down her cell phone do the Wilsons finally achieve the highest level of connection and understanding.

  5. Eric Barritt says:

    Smitten by God a long distance runner loses both arms and legs to cancer only to discover he’s commanded to rescue the girl of his dreams inserting a catheter from a Satanic Porn Syndicate to please God.

  6. Eric Barritt says:

    Smitten by God a long distance runner loses both arms and legs to cancer only to discover he’s commanded to rescue the girl of his dreams inserting a catheter from a Satanic Porn Syndicate to please God.

  7. After her mother dies in a freak bovine accident, young Clarice Carr moves to a new town to live with her father. As she spends time with her father, she notices strange habits of his that are cause for concern. He vanishes – naked – into the night roughly once a month, leaves tufts of hair all over the house, and occasionally sits on his balcony barking at nothing in particular.
    What could be wrong with her dad? What secret is he hiding? It could take several books to find out!

  8. Jennifer Hunt says:

    1. A dyslexic 8-year-old orphan named Margot tries to open a new jar of marmalade, first gripping with her undershirt, next her sweater, then her bare hands, only to give up and resume her hobby of manually cataloguing her local library’s books on soil erosion according to the Dewey Decimal System.

    2. A listless Blue Jellyfish gets continually caught in a whirlpool off the west coast of Scotland as a nearby urban schoolboy with something to prove makes a futile attempt to learn the bagpipes, all-the-while being watched by his pet turtle, munching on his lettuce lunch.

  9. Ashley R says:

    1. Little Chick watched helplessly as his parents necks were wrung and severed, in despair he goes to the family pet, a bearded magical cat to request a wish – to grow human hands and legs to terrorize the people who killed his parents and stop mankind’s onslaught on his chicken race.

    2. After a fawn loses his father to BANG and survives his first disaster, deer season, he prances from forest to forest to recruit deer young and old into his militia with one goal in mind aim for the headlights.

  10. And no. 2:

    The Director’s Cut of “The Proud and Undisturbed Sleep of Sir Evelyn Sackville-Fortescue” excels by adding even two more minutes to that unforgettable snore that won Jack Nicholson his fourth Oscar in the category Best Male Actor.

  11. This award-winning performance of pure dadaism shows in 192 minutes how a young married couple is rhythmically slapping each other’s faces while a Macedonian gypsy reads out the subtitles in an outstanding total of 128 living or dead Albanian dialects.

  12. Cassie Feldman says:

    Olympic weightlifter Hans Jorgenson has a secret. He’s secretly French-Canadian singer Celine Dion. As the 2016 Olympics approach, how will Hans/Celine juggle his intense training schedule along with headlining at Caesar’s Palace? And how will Hans/Celine keep her secret when the costume crew suspects her overly buff arms aren’t because of diagnosed Madonna-Limb-Envy Syndrome?

  13. Cassie Feldman says:

    Carl dreams of being a wide receiver for the University of Michigan. Unfortunately, Carl is a giraffe and lacks the opposable thumbs necessary to catch the ball. Will Carl find a way to leave the Detroit Zoo and become a walk-on for “The Team”? And how will his body react to the human hand transplants?

  14. Jenny Prendergast says:

    2. When thirty-six year old Joanne’s internet stops working, she must confront her fears and call the Comcast helpline.

  15. Jenny Prendergast says:

    1. my first one is set, but which should i pick for my second logline?

    1. Due to poor life choices, scuba-diving aficionado Frank Fudge has lost his wife, his job, and his dog, but it’s not until he gets a part-time job at his local sewage pond diving into raw sewage to fix sewage pumps that he really comes face-to-face with his own crap.

  16. David Gavril says:

    A guy gets on a train to Syria to join ISIS. Meets the Pope at the bar cart on board. Both get drunk and enter a deep religious philosophical conversation about the rights and wrongs of being a suicide bomber.

  17. Dan Shapiro says:

    Rebecca falls for Young Yeti when he rescues her after a terrible hiking accident but then her clan of Yeti hunters attacks, forcing the Yetis to call for help from their home world, sparking an invasion of Earth that nothing can stop–except for the power of Rebecca and Young Yeti’s love.

  18. John Atti says:

    Second entry:
    This dramatic retelling, shot only with body-mounted cameras, follows Harry Sack Sullivan in his quest to settle an office argument the only way he knows how: by covertly rubbing his testicles on all of his coworkers’ keyboards after a lunchtime jog.

  19. John Atti says:

    Before going on a first date to Carl’s Beanhouse, young Billy Buns is kidnapped by terrorists and injected with a biological agent that will only become volatile once mixed with methane; can Billy keep his cheeks clenched and impress the girl of his dreams while FBI chemists race to find the cure, or will he become dust in the wind?

  20. When a family intervention forces hemophobic vampire, Bartholomew, into a job at a blood bank to face his fears, he is soon enlisted by coworker, Estella, to drain the vault and make a run for it—awakening Bart to a whole new world of adventure and black market blood lust, with a girl he discovers is just his TYPE.

  21. Jazmyne Jones says:

    Oops… Sorry, second attempt!

    The film crew dedicated for the education of placement tests everywhere presents: EOC– the test that propels students forward or backward as according to their studying abilities.

  22. ***** GOD**** says:

    I am the Alpha and the Omega!

    • Jazmyne Jones says:

      The film crew dedicated for the education of placement tests everywhere presents: EOC– the test that propels students forward or backward as according to their studying abilities.

    • Jazmyne Jones says:

      You’re right. God is the alpha and omega.

  23. Abra Mims says:

    Maggie, after participating in a lab study at her local university, awakens to the realization that she was buried alive, and she now has the power to shoot toxic soil from her nostrils, a skill she hopes to successfully employ in order to stop the evil Dr. Tucker from his control over the citizens of Arborden.

  24. Jeanette Bottitta says:

    After his identity is stolen, a mild-mannered Golden Retriever finds the courage to fight back, sniffing a trail that eventually leads to a gorgeous but deadly raven-haired English Shepherd.

  25. Eve says:

    In an apocalyptic world where frogs and reptiles are the only known creatures left behind roaming the Earth, there’s one Komodo dragon on a giant quest, searching for more than just a meal of tadpoles.

  26. Little Kitty says:

    The Bus Ride (Revised)
    The bus seat’s many contradictions of life.
    The blind man looking for love, the deaf woman, who listens to her heart for true meaning, The Bus driver who sits in the back of the bus because of segregation, but the most contradicted passenger of all is the one who refuses board the bus and walks instead.

    • Little Kitty says:

      The Bus Ride
      The bus seat’s many contradictions to life, the blind man looking for love, the deaf woman, who listens to her heart for true meaning, The Bus driver who sits in the back of the bus because of segregation, but the most contradicted passenger of all is the one who refuses board the bus and walks instead.

      Sorry I don’t Know how to type

  27. Little Kitty says:

    The Bus Ride
    The bus seat’s many contradictions of life.
    The blind man looking for love, the deaf woman, who listens to her heart for true meaning, The Bus driver who sits in the back of the bus because of segregation, but the most contracted passenger of all is the one who refuses board the bus and walks instead.

  28. Chris Dickson says:

    Self-proclaimed “World’s Best Grandpa” Henry Marbles invites you for a walk through a day in his shoes, from making tapioca pudding while shirking the attention of each of his 17 grandchildren to taking in a mangy bloodhound and accidentally plucking out one of its whiskers you’ll come to question if he is in fact worthy of the title.

  29. Chris Dickson says:

    Environmentalist, idealist, and longtime Luddite Agnes Jaffrey has spent her whole life fighting for a global, “back to roots” shift in consciousness when one day, in a moment of cast-all-to-the-wind spontaneity, she drops the cause, purchases a cutting edge smartphone, and finds her new calling as independent at-home tester of free productivity software in the mobile app marketplace.

    • Chris Dickson says:

      Hm.. My text editor was counting a string of hyphenated words as only one word. To qualify the above within the rules of the contest, I offer this amendment:

      Environmentalist, idealist, and longtime Luddite Agnes Jaffrey has spent her life fighting for a global, “back to roots” shift in consciousness when one day, in a moment of cast-to-the-wind spontaneity, she drops the cause, purchases a cutting edge smartphone, and finds her new calling as at-home tester of free productivity software in the mobile app marketplace.

  30. racherin says:

    When the marriage of a Jennifer Aniston look-alike and a professional Brad Pitt impersonator makes national headlines, paparazzi, lawsuits, and uber-fans overwhelm their small, close-knit town, threatening to tear it apart.

  31. Monte Gruhlke says:

    When a rocket full of mimes crash-lands into the Moon, they are taken captive by a subterranean race of mute Moon-People who communicate through their primitive form of emoji-based pictoral language, their overwhelming desire to silence the Earth once and for all — leaving it to the team of mummers to use their zany gestural techniques to foil this dastard plot (their antics accentuated by xylophone and bagpipe music, and a surprise performance number by the cast of the musical STOMP).

  32. Jazmyne Jones says:

    In a world where people usually live pretty awesome lives, a man wakes up early to get to his job as person number fourteen in the film, “how can I do this worse-oh yeah, make sure the title is the best ever” where he sits and stares at a blank sheet of paper pretending to be engrossed in whatever it doesn’t say without engaging his imagination, memory, senses of any kind or even his left pinky toe’s brain while the stars do something awesome just left of the screen–fully audible explosions and car chases, but besides a flying elbow and maybe a yawn or two, they are never seen or heard until the end when our hero Plain “man” Jenson is told to go home and the lights go off on him– in “waiting and sitting” coached and directed by your pet rock and and all of your friends who egged him on saying that he had real skills to be a writer/director.

    warning: This movie is not suitable for anyone looking for excitement, wonder, or plotlines because there isn’t one.

  33. Nick Andreychuk says:

    When the President of the United States meets a homeless man who looks just like him, he thinks back fondly on his favorite childhood story — The Prince and the Pauper — and decides to switch places with his double just for the heck of it, never stopping to wonder if his “twin” might actually be a clone planted by terrorists…

  34. Brianna Volinz says:

    1. When hot dog eating champion Ronnie Smalls ingests a glob of radioactive Dijon, his world changes from sausage swallowing to crime fighting with his new-found ability to shoot mustard out of his eyes.

    2. When a pair of unclaimed undies are found in Washer #5, local laundress Rava takes on the unsavory task of returning the briefs to their owner, determined to find the man behind the skid marks.

  35. John Gaines says:

    Bodhi and Klu, the twin sons of a Valkyrie and Nelson Mandela, must overcome their slacker ways, so that they can save the world from ancient demons, and pay the rent by Friday.

  36. Nicole Ziege says:

    Gregory was not your average man. He was a super villain with the fearsome power of flatulance. He could clear a room with the power of his mighty fart blasts. When the world faces the Febreeze monster, can Gregory use his powers for good instead of evil?

  37. Dan Shapiro says:

    Everyone is glued to their TVs watching Jesus battle a host of religious stars on the reality show My Messiah while the real world is beset by famine, plague, and natural disasters and the undead are hungrily roaming the streets — but is Rajan, a 10-year-old beggar in Mumbai, the one destined to save the world?

  38. Kate Rushton says:

    Cat Lady

    Trapped in a dead-end job with an equally lacklustre love life, Maude gets through the monotony of every day life by watching cat videos.

    Until one day, following the death of her aunt in a freak scuba dive accident, she inherits enough money to move a slightly bigger apartment and have a cat – Boris. Thinking that the production of cat videos will enable her to have the life of her dreams, Maude sets about training Boris to dance on camera. He fails miserably. So Maude buys another cat then another until she has a full house.

    Having run through all her inheritance and being unable to earn enough to support her growing number of talentless cats, Maude decides the only way out is through swallowing several bottles of paracetamol. When the paramedics arrive, after Maude fails to turn up to work, they see a dirty apartment and something in the corner of the room – Boris silently dancing. Free from pressure, he is finally able to perform.

  39. In a world where colour runs amok, Emerald Forest, the creator of Fifty Shades of Green develops an unholy fascination with the fifty shades of grey and so begins one girl’s solitary mission to rid the world of colour and bring order to the visual palette before colour blends and bleeds into the fabric of time.

  40. In an alternate universe where parrots are beloved, Polly wants a cracker but her diabolical owner refuses, sending the earth on a destructive spiral and forcing Polly on a dangerous quest to say “Cracker” 5,000,000 times or face universal annihilation.

  41. J. E. Perry says:

    Vampire Alexander finds a way to fight the boredom of eternal life on his space-yacht when beautiful Vampire Hunter Chastity arrives as an escapee from an spaceship overrun with zombies that is on a collision course toward Earth and they begin an adventure to stop the potential apocalypse all while trying to understand their feelings of love for each other

  42. Isaiah Cane says:

    Two bickering unborn twins navigate the challenge that is development from inside their mother’s womb.

    A man hopes to build his own smoothie company after being kicked out of his family’s for skimming money, but is swiftly corrupted by the charms and temptations of the scandal filled smoothie industry, in this drama “Fifty Shades of Whey.”

  43. Maeve Rich says:

    An ex-car thief gets a second chance at life and love when, aided by a leprechaun, he uses his hot-wiring skills to find the cure for cancer.

  44. L. Rigdon says:

    1) Shelby Clinton, a phony psychic, gets the wake-up call of a lifetime when she starts receiving real telepathic messages from the druidic priestesses of the underwater city of Atlantis, and now she must somehow find a way to stop Russian submarines from blowing up the secret city.

    2) After a massive earthquake, California has broken off from the United States and is sailing away and slowly sinking into the South Pacific, but Special Forces Commander Eugenia Harris and her team of soldiers and scientists from Area 51 will endeavor to use classified alien technology as they try to stop California from becoming a watery mass-grave.

  45. Bud Scott says:

    Bacteriologist Henry Field lets us accompany him on his never ending quest to prove there is a discrete moment when milk goes bad in the refrigerator that has no correlation to the sell by date; join him on his tedious and sometimes heartbreaking journey from milking the cow to pouring out the bad milk.

  46. Nicki Bishop says:

    One Miami beauty queen hopeful seeks to hold the tiara at county level. Follow her train of thought as she wrestles with the biggest competition questions of them all: mocha or latte? satin or silk? vocal solo or interpretive dance? The answers will prove astounding.

  47. Amit u says:

    After her husband and son are brutally murdered by Dark Lord, Lilly learns way to bring them back. Her jilted lover teaches her ancient dark art of going back in time and stop deaths. Only thing that cannot change is count of dead bodies. Now she must find and sacrifice two persons to save her own family.

  48. Michelle Chaisson says:

    Don’t miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn the secrets to a happy, until-death-do-us-part marriage from self-proclaimed relationship expert, Marge, whose seven previous marriages uniquely qualify her to provide insights that are sure to help make your I do’s last a lifetime!

  49. Margaret Pinskiy says:

    Learn all about ‘happily ever after’ in this original compilation of the world’s worst and most tragic love stories, featuring classics like Romeo and Juliet, Titanic, and 50 Shades of Grey – all with special commentary from renowned erotica authors from all over the world.

    • Margaret Pinskiy says:

      Second Submission:

      If you’ve ever wondered what a cross between Romeo and Juliet, Twilight, and 50 Shades of Grey, look no further than this movie – featuring songs from Taylor Swift including the hit single “Welcome to Washington”.

  50. Paul Novak says:

    The hopes and entirety of a civilization rest on the metal framework of a probe designed to survive the eons, but destined to die reaching it’s greatest hope.

  51. When Carlotta Laney stumbles upon the horrifying truth that “Pumpkin Spice” is actually made from people (as well as, yes, pumpkin and spice), she must go on the run to avoid becoming the late Lottie Laney in some lady’s latte.

  52. Spencer Radford says:

    Waking up at 10 am on a Tuesday, Phil Murphy discovers he has the power to be late, changing his life and making him try to be a superhero, if only he could get to the crime on time.

  53. Vry Sparks says:

    Submission 2:

    George’s life is going down the crapper, but amid his dealings with constant assholes looking down on him he struggles to find a splash of happiness, and can’t help but reminisce about all the years he lived as a severe ODC recluse before being reincarnated into an off-white eco-friendly toilet.

  54. Anissa Stringer says:

    Elyxida, a depressed cockroach, enters the forbidden land of Kitchen and her son, Zydraday, must find her before the hypochondriac human, Dave, uses a can of Raid on her in this rollicking, mad-cap adventure that’s like no other.

    In this stunning documentary, we explore the last moments of Bumble’s life as she waits to die after stinging a human and becoming disemboweled in the process.

  55. Tanisha D. Davis says:

    On her sixteenth birthday,Jade discovers she is half whale and sets off on a journey to the ocean to find her father Willy so that she can gain the freedom she always longed for.

  56. Zach Walchuk says:

    His classmates think Manny Mosquito is simply trying to be annoying, but when the school is attacked by a fleshy pink monster will he be able to change their minds?

    A hair-raising storm of passion and horror: a butcher, a vegan, and the meal they could never agree on.

  57. Tanisha D. Davis says:

    Former FBI Agent Keith discovers while on a mission to the moon that he is an angel placed on Earth to save the world. He sets out on a journey back to heaven by fighting space aliens to gain his wings back. While on the planet Hell, he soon discovers that his time as an angel is coming to an end if he doesn’t save the world in time.

  58. Adaline Griffiths says:

    A giant asteroid crashes in Tiny’s yard-and turns him giant! He must warn all other dog-kinds of the danger, but then his mind starts doing funny things, and he starts turning into a squirrel!

  59. Lancelot says:

    Despite her chronic hemorrhoids, a professional curmfurdler trains for years to become number one in her Olympic category — a category whose field is one person big.

  60. Claire Wallace says:

    Meathead hated people especially social media users so he trolled the internet in search of ways to manipulate message boards, infiltrate Facebook feeds and twist away tweets all on a mission to hack his way into the world’s virtual wasteland of lonesome losers, fake friends and suffering souls, but one thing, one gutsy gifted gamer stood in his way.

  61. Spencer Radford says:

    A failing student in high school attempts to make the biggest and loudest gun in history in order to recreate the big bang so he has another shot at life. (Pun intended)

  62. Adaline Griffiths says:

    Elise is a college-aged student on graduation day. She is preparing for the ceremony when her reflection starts to think on its own, and then escapes. Will Elise stop her twin before her day is ruined?

  63. Brittany McAfee says:

    After finding out that she turns everything she touches into food, an old woman must go on the ultimate journey to find the perfect pizza.

  64. A shape-shifter locust happily sheds her skin after twenty three years underground and falls in love with a shifter praying mantis. Love blooms for this unlikely couple until he eats her by mistake in his non-human form.

  65. Ethan Pressly says:

    When a half-deaf, color-blind, trans-gendered botanist without arms or legs finds his/herself stranded on the remote south Pacific island of Tristan de Cunha, Mister Miss must learn that he/she is just like everybody else in order to survive without food or water for nearly twenty-four hours.

  66. Kim Stang says:

    In a world where emotions have been outlawed, one pair of angsty pre-teenagers had the courage to have FEELINGS. Get ready for 900 pages of in-your-face, pock-marked and musically inspired inner turmoil. Vicious anger, tear-spilling anguish, lip-splitting joy — it’s all here and spelled out in painful detail as their romance unfolds. Get ready for: COPPING A FEEL.

  67. Tracy Grogan says:

    Abos, a mononymous Maltese ethnologist, duped by a phony Internet posting, treks to Nowhere, Kansas, attempting to repatriate the mythical lost Mediterranean tribe of Hippocampuscafeteria, reported to be living in a local B&B, where he encounters and battles in a cage match a bloodthirsty and equally confused pirate crew seeking to kidnap and ransom the non-existent Hippocampuscafeterians for copious booty.

  68. Tracy Grogan says:

    Finnish Postal Inspector Jaakkima Finoowa’s investigation into an escalating series of bemusing slips, hilarious pratfalls and tragic tumbles ultimately determines that her very own beleaguered doormat, having grown resentful of the daily abuse it must tolerate, has revolted and begun placing microscopic ball bearings on the soles of every shoe that steps upon it, climaxing in a Chaplinesque chase scene.

  69. Linda Hofke says:

    Two farmers-turned-detective team up to figure out the unsolved case of the century–what came first, the chicken or the egg?

  70. Linda Hofke says:

    After his wife leaves him, an old, bald, former 80’s rock star goes on a quest to reunite with his first love— his hair–but is he brave enough to endure a hair transplant or must he settle for a cheap wig in order to sport those big, long locks once again?

  71. Peter Russell says:

    While riding his talking donkey companion Mr. Stumbles across Egypt, ace phrenologist Archie Quivers becomes the target of a crazed tam o’shanter wearing fiend and his trained cheetah when he stumbles upon a trail of ancient Ramses condom wrappers that point the way to the lost mother lode of the Old Kingdom.

  72. “Doctor Zhivago” meets “Dallas Buyers Club ” meets “Bonnie and Clyde” meets that safari themed Taylor Swift video meets “Walking Dead”!
    A young doctor breaks up an engagement and goes to Africa to help the needy. When he falls in love with a Ebola patient, nothing will stop him from infecting himself to die along his beloved.

    Surprisingly, they both don’t die, but become Ebola zombies who terrorize the continent, robbing banks and stealing medication for themselves and a growing army of followers.

    Will Doctor’s ex fiancée who is summoned to stop his life of crime avoid being entangled in a toxic infectious love triangle? Will she come up with an Ebola vaccine? Will Bono, Putin and a ghost of an ancient pirate make an appearance????

  73. Michelle Chaisson says:

    Frustrated with the insensitivity of the public, Beth shares her courageous story of managing PMS as a married woman, recounting the difficulties she experienced trying to hide her true feelings as she faced a succession of happy people on her way to the store to buy tampons.

  74. Caught by the paparazzi when trying desperately to fix a wedgie at a movie premiere, Hollywood starlet Edna Edgemont’s career is ruined. Her fortune gone, she’s forced to move back home and work in the family business. Edgemont’s Edgeless Underwear. Like a good pair of sturdy briefs, will Edna find herself again? Or disappear forever into nothingness.

  75. My entry for the worst storyline contest:

    Follow the harrowing adventures of shoe designer Mary Lou Boutin, who valiantly goes toe-to-toe against several deadly enemies lurking in the enchanted Kingdom of Stilettoheel, including the wicked Sir Ingrown Toenail, his flaky cousin Sir Athlete’s Foot, and their bony rival Madame Bunion, who threatens to reveal Ms. Boutin’s Achilles heel in a desperate bid for world toe-minion.

  76. Sarah Jean Olson says:

    Someone finally brings back from the dead the founding fathers of the United States so they can explain what they meant in the constitution leaving nothing open to interpretation especially in election years.

  77. Sarah Jean Olson says:

    Humans discover the favorite vacation destination of life forms from the Whirlpool Galaxy: a mesmerizing planet-size amusement park inside Pluto with secrets all its own.

  78. Gary Wright says:

    1.A pizza delivery driver changes his deliveries to emergency toilet paper deliveries to people who discover they are out of toilet paper.

    2. A man starts a delivery service for egg rolls in Nome Alaska

  79. J Georgy says:

    Submission #2

    After branching out to people, a cocky tree surgeon gets into trouble during a botched tonsillectomy, and he must decide whether to forge ahead with the surgery and risk losing his nephew or take the boy to the emergency room and risk losing his business.

  80. When the flu vaccine turns people into zombies, a sixteen-year-old girl discovers she is the cure since she has the ability to suck out zombie venom from a zombie bite and not turn into one and you don’t either!

  81. Eric Johnson says:

    A charlatan palm reader who moonlights as a stock-boy at a discount grocery store discovers he has the power to stack Dixie Cups with his mind and must come to terms with how the use of his newfound power has destroyed his relationship with the morning grocery clerk, the only true relationship he ever had.

  82. Eric Johnson says:

    Trapped in the frozen Siberian wasteland, a team of five intrepid ermine scatologists discover nano-technology in an ermine den setting off a chain reaction turning whoever touches it into a blood-thirsty human ermine hybrid; now the remaining two scatologists must put aside their failed romance to save the remaining ermine population and the world.

  83. Kevin Odberg says:

    A man is painting his bathroom beige when he slips, hits his head and goes into a coma but the coma only lasts two hours so he catches up on missed time by scrolling Facebook and learns that someone he hasn’t spoken to since high school made a stew that turned out just okay.

  84. Gluten-free homecoming queen Alaina Dakota always knew she was superior to her classmates, but it takes falling in love with straight-A Harvard-bound football star Felix McCallister for her to obliviously revel in the full extent of her privilege.

  85. L. K. Melocco says:

    A young entrepreneur finds himself in a midwife crisis when he discovers that his wife and his lover are the same person.

  86. L. K. Melocco says:

    A washerwoman finds out that her neighbor stole her recipe for perfectly crisp cravates and after a long and torturous internal dilemma devises a plan to wreak revenge upon her neighbor by taking her business one step further than anyone else has ever dared: by washing the ink out of biographies.

  87. K Baldwin says:

    A novelized version of Ed Gein: The musical.

  88. A.R. Oscar says:

    A deer tick comes to the woods of Shenandoah to wreak revenge on the people who ruined its life, but a circumstance occurs that could potentially thwart his plans: he falls helplessly in love with the woman who is meant to be his next prey.

  89. K.K. O'Brien says:

    After everyone in the house has fallen asleep, a deck of cards comes to life! Their hijinks involve stealing a capful of ketchup from the kitchen. Upon waking in the morning, the humans of the house do not notice and continue about their lives.

  90. J Georgy says:

    A struggling poet’s doggerel springs to life in the form of a rhythmically challenged dinosaur who loves to dance, and the orangish-beige beast refuses to depart until his hapless patron solves the following riddle: “I am a word that poetry fails, though I rhyme with the hue of these pallid scales.”

  91. Cody Brown says:

    Poorly written fan-fictions are summoned into life when a group of bored teenagers open a mysterious book one night, only to discover the pages within contain the stories of a time-traveling monk driven to insanity.

  92. Two days after janitor Jack turns into a werewolf clown in Clover city, starts the worst cockroach pest ever. Jack falls into the terrible cross-road of decdiding whether to save his fruit loops stock from the insects or running after the prize of the annual best lousy clown performance.

  93. Robert Cox says:

    He’s both a CIA agent and single dad who has to avert a terrorist attack on bring you daughter to work day.

  94. Jim Mentink says:

    Todd thought tearing up a package of cocktail napkins would bring Katie back, but instead he ushered in the end of the world.

  95. Delani Valin says:

    This is my second submission:

    During a periodic high school exam, a mediocre student realizes that he is moderately prepared.

  96. Nathan Hall says:

    In this tale of pirates, hooks, whaleskin lamps and enchanted mirrors, Elmer Smineley reflects that even if you choke on a bite of whale lung, you’re still a shade better off than the whale.

  97. Nathan Hall says:

    Two podiatrists and a genetically engineered centipede debate the religious doctrine of sole fide, as you watch, thirsty and helpless.

  98. Wendy Alden says:

    2nd entry

    A forest trail split in to four pathways and each of the four friends decide to see where each goes. After they hike separately a total of four hours, they all emerge at the same place – a circus tent empty but for clown costumes. Friends finally become clowns.

  99. Brandon Howard says:

    A very alive madman, absolutely convinced that he’s passed on, tries to kill himself by hanging just to prove it. The end.

  100. Heidi Peitz says:

    An erotic tale of a young Rottweiler battling bipolar depression. New to the shelter, he decides to do whatever it takes to finish his bucket list before the long sleep. Starting with sniffing every butt in the facility, canine AND feline and ending with spreading his seed all over the shin of the shy but sexy warden, Ms. Chase.

  101. Rizki Aditya says:

    Join Martha, John and Lucy, three stranger who met on an ordinary bus stop, in their adventure to the deep, scary and smelly retirement house, filled with traps and annoying questions from the old people (about life, the reason why old people always right, and why condom taste weird) to find and restore a long lost artifact which may, or may not, caused the end of the world: Uranium-based fake teeth which belonged to Martha’s grandmother.

  102. Byron Kimball says:

    A worker at a styrofoam factory accidentally kills his boss and must assume his boss’s identity but the problem is, his boss is a white Mormon with sixteen children and he’s Asian and a firm atheist.

  103. When all the world’s volcanoes are predicted to go BOOM, Agent Pink Stomach Medicine attempts to stop the burn before it happens. He’s going in, and it isn’t all peppermints and cherries. (Critical Mess)


    Two cats, one laser pointer, three unforgettable nights in the life of Super Cat-Woman: Crazy Cat Lady Extrodranaire. (When the Batteries Die: A Cautionary Documentary.)

    • Beth Overmyer says:

      Editing (I hope that’s okay!):

      When all the world’s volcanoes are predicted to go BOOM, Agent Pink Stomach Medicine Man rushes to stop the burn before it begins (Critical Mess)

  104. Mitch Piles says:

    Three members of a gambling addiction help group plan to rob the factory where lottery scratchers tickets are made, but when their sponsors discover their plan, they attempt set a trap to teach them some tough love and take the tickets themselves.

  105. Heidi Peitz says:

    A pair of invalids at a low budget nursing home, angry about a pair of missing dentures, challenge each other to an epic staring contest until the day passing staff member smells something foul, and it’s not loaded adult diapers.

  106. Shondra Snodderly says:

    After her dog vomits up a mysterious statuette, fourteen year old Katelyn must find and engage the services of a holistic veterinarian to heal her dog of the mystic curse it incurred, while dodging the Russian mob, a hungry goat with peculiar tastes, and the Museum of Natural History, and she must find the time to study for finals, or it’s off to summer school while her friends jet off to the Hamptons for vacation.

  107. Laszlo A Voros says:

    Adam Scognar took the experimental pill Supramile that the scientists at Mag Lab guaranteed him would give him super powers. Adam soon discovered what that super power was. He could shoot a devastatingly powerful laser beam from his cock.

  108. After sitting next to a overly-amorous newlywed couple on a crammed redeye flight, a disgusted divorcee wreaks havoc at her mother’s retirement home.

  109. Dave McElhaney says:

    A ruthless, evil, talent agent in a small New Mexico town, fires all her older actors, takes secret payoffs and bullys any competition.
    The day is saved by a tough Seven Eleven cashier who opens her own agency and fights back.

  110. Dave McElhaney says:

    At a nudist owned Dunkin Donuts, Real
    Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kim Richards, gets chosen as a judge in a bagel eating contest. When hot coffee gets spilled in a sensitive area, Donald Trump takes the entire crew to court!

  111. After being rejected by the “Botched” doctors, and still longing for “Juvederm” injections in his scrotum in order to properly market his “Sooo Supportive, Soo Stretchy, aka” Soosoo Undlings,”a failing undergarment business, entrepreneur Malcolm Mush encounters havoc when his eyes lock on a nicely marbled, married woman sporting a fully loaded meat injector at the bake-off in aisle 2.

  112. John Beaton says:

    MacTeagle, a well-endowed man who knows low urinals cater to tall Scotsmen, not short kids, experiences chills from the porcelain of a regular-height urinal and seeks revenge.

  113. Amelia Chea says:

    Logline #1: Phil Lubuster, a promising young man pursuing a career in accounting, commits arson for the sake of impressing his long time crush who evidently is only seducing him to win a bet against Lubuster’s mother.

    Logline #2: In the unfortunate event that Aunt Kate’s pet python was set on fire, Wei Wei Yu and her colleague, James the Biology Enthusiast, happened to stumble upon the recipe for creating amphibian life− they hurriedly cook up another pet python before Aunt Kate comes home from her wedding.

    • Amelia Chea says:

      reptile*. did i just write that snakes are amphibians….

      Here’s what it should be: Logline #2: In the unfortunate event that Aunt Kate’s pet python was set on fire, Wei Wei Yu and her colleague, James the Biology Enthusiast, happened to stumble upon the recipe for creating reptile life− they hurriedly cook up another pet python before Aunt Kate comes home from her wedding.

  114. Laszlo Kugler says:

    Not for the contest.

    Stan Lee, now 92, decides to follow Bruce (Kaitlyn) Jenner’s lead, quits Marvel Comics, and proceeds to create a brand new series called ACDC Comics.

  115. Amanda Mack says:

    In a world where zombie novels have flooded the market, Erika Stratah must go to great lengths to publish her zany crime drama about a maladroit, macho Mothman who inadvertently sabotages each case and his shrewd Siren partner with a knack for compelling confessions from reticent suspects.

  116. Sven-Anders Söderberg says:

    A serene plant earth where all human life is zombified is ravaged by a horrific virus that humanizes any zombie infected, turning them into hypocritacally moral, selfish, vain, neurotic and needlesly yapping freaks of nature, but one female zombie and her little cousin fight for survival whilst zombie-life as they know is destroyed all around them.

  117. Missy Mwac says:

    When Violet, a struggling children’s photographer, runs out of clients to photograph, she turns to her uterus, and the town playboy, Mack Spermina, to create prop babies for advertising until one night, her uterus, suffering from sheer exhaustion, crawls out of her body and begins its personal journey of self-discovery and acceptance.

  118. Sven-Anders Söderberg says:

    Struggling heavyweight boxer Joey Silvano having finally given in to his twin sister’s pleas to join him in the US syncronized swimming team at the Pyongyang Olympics secretly goes through a sex change as a surprise for his sister, but can he make it to the final whilst being chased all over Pyongyang by North Korean forces who are convinced he is a secret agent, and could he be?

  119. Rae McKenzie says:

    He always had marched to his own beat, but now Jimmy, the Drum Major, was the only one who could save the world from Metronome’s mind-numbing, but on-time evil plot that was ticking away…but does Jimmy really have the sticks to make the bang needed to stop the evil genius?

  120. Tanya Gomez Mercado says:

    On a damp day the kitchen witching committee discovered the latest fad of familiars, tiny toads from Tepoto, being obliterated by that pandering polynesian pirate,Byron the Jon, thorn of every witch in Longwoods now screaming for justice with cauldrons firing up and all 1765 witches prepping to pounce but who will win, witches, pirates or tiny toads ?

  121. Robin Hanning says:

    Colin Atwater III, world’s leading medical research scientist was (in his mind) a rock-star in his field and the world would finally acknowledge him when he finished his top-secret, groundbreaking experiment to cure deadly peanut allergies using his toe-jam based vaccine.

  122. (Entry #2)

    Sarah Wheaton, an artisan baker, is falling for Joe Rice, a soil conservationist who seems like the perfect guy, until she is devastated to learn that he is gluten-free and will never try her breads, sending the pair into an intolerant relationship exacerbated by Sarah’s bakery tycoon father Rye Wheaton.

  123. Mark Murata says:

    Trevor must find the girl with the matching half to his ring’s broken gemstone, or the flying Pixie Express with its seventy boxcars of unicorns and butterflies will festoon the land with toxic pink chiffon, unless the evil Lord Binky turns out to be the father of them both, in which case he’ll just toss it.

  124. Jeanette Goldman says:

    In the midst of severe weather, Dr Kelsey Stickler goes on a journey racing through the streets of San Francisco on his bicycle in search of a cure for his pet rock who has stillness syndrome and mindlessly makes howling noises at midnight.

  125. Tom Bentley says:

    Whoops, my last was one word too many. Here’s the edit:

    Acting on principle and bad sleeping habits, Artemis Flodge marshals an international campaign to persuade readers that the upright comma shape is detestable and should be replaced by a horizontal glyph, only to be pursued to the top of a frozen, lonely mountain in Newfoundland by incensed Canadian punctuation purists, and thus begins his dark night of the soul.

  126. Tom Bentley says:

    Acting on principle and bad sleeping habits, Artemis Flodge marshals an international campaign to persuade readers that the upright shape of the comma is detestable and should be replaced by a horizontal glyph, only to be pursued to the top of a frozen, lonely mountain in Newfoundland by incensed Canadian punctuation purists, and thus begins his dark night of the soul.

  127. Chris-Jean Clarke says:

    You will remember this heartbreaking story, long after you have closed the book, so have the tissues ready.

    • Chris-Jean Clarke says:

      This may sound better:

      I cried whilst writing this book, and truly believe should you take time to read the heartbreaking events of my protagonist you will also feel his pain and have no tissues left by the end of the book.

  128. Chris-Jean Clarke says:

    My kind and loving protagonist saves the day by defeating the wicked antagonist.

  129. Mark Murata says:

    Unless Lizzie Borden can persuade her cousins, Dewey, Cuttem, and Howe, into helping her sell enough gears at the Steampunk Faire to buy a whetstone for her axe, she’ll have to lubricate its iron head with her mother’s inferior #40 wax.

  130. Carol Alwood says:

    When Astronaut Candidate, Stella Colburn, discovers NASA’s oxygen tanks used during neutral buoyancy training are laced with brain-latching nanobots programmed to construct a continent-sized rocket which will launch the Earth on a collision course with Mars, she must battle alongside an army of decrepit microbots and hunky NASA Administrator, Guy Strong, to save the world.


    After World Champion surfer, Dillan Marius, and his actress girlfriend, Ariel Tumey, are separated during a twelve-point tsunami that destroys America and triggers the second zombie apocalypse, they must fight against Irish dancing zombies and catastrophic solar flares to reunite and rebuild society one zombie makeover at a time.

  131. Bob Boeck says:

    Chuck Ground was a tasteless character seeking adventure to spice up his life. In spite of numerous attempts, his father, Roast, grounded him.

  132. Jesse Morrison says:

    My day went from bad, (losing my pet Gabby) to worse (finding out first hand that Martians were actually little green yappy dogs hell bent on taking over Earth) and it was up to me to save everyone, even though I’m a cat who just learned to speak English last week.

  133. Saving America (political action thriller)

    Former IRS agent Alexander D. Dudemeister swore to never again enforce the tax code after his second-cousin-twice-removed’s betrayal left his reputation ravaged and his libido shattered, but when Hobo Bob’s prophecy names him the savior of kidnapped local porn star and political icon America Harley, he knows it’s time to withhold the past and file for justice.

    Death in the Afternoon (too complex to be confined by genre labels)

    A brilliant yet misunderstood MFA student risks everything by revising Hemingway’s infamous cocktail, Death in the Afternoon, which sends him spiraling through a metaphorical journey into an alternate, dystopian reality wherein a matriarchy of ex-girlfriends questions his sexuality.

  134. Timothy Vienne says:

    A nameless woman falls in love with an unidentified man in an unexceptional Midwestern town, but unbeknownst to both of them, they are both suddenly afflicted by a mysterious life-threatening virus that prevents either of them from ever speaking to each other about anything of substance.

    After Harry Potter drops time-changing magical acid on himself, he is transported back to 19th century England, where he must help a young nobleman named Fitzwilliam Darcy win back a fickle English female or Darcy will kill Harry’s great-great-grandparents, thus Lord Voldemort’s victory over all freedom-loving wizards.

  135. Laszlo Kugler says:

    (Got to remember that this needs to be ONLY ONE sentence, and no longer than 60 words.)

    This one’s no for the contest…

    Captain Brown of the L.A.P.D., and great grandson of Molly Brown, wonders why he was given the task of unraveling the mystery of why the cruise ship ‘The Titanic’ suddenly appeared right smack dab in the middle of Central Park, without any passenger on board, and no sign of any kind of damage to it.

  136. Vry Sparks says:

    Submission 1:

    After faking his death, ex-President of the United States, William Schloung finally follows his dream of transforming into a cross-dressing star known as Lyca Vergen, but, an invading alien army of whispering monks threaten to silence Earth forever, it’s up to Vergen-Schloung to step down from his ten inch knee-high boots and lip-sync his diva-heart out to save the world.

  137. After she finds the ‘perfect guy’ through online dating, the lactose intolerant Kathy must resist her gas when he takes her out to ice-cream–yet what she does not realize is that her date is also lactose intolerant, attempting to hold his bursting pent-up bowel movements–both refusing to end the date short, this Russian roulette thriller will keep readers wanting more–but not too much more

  138. Stephanie Julian - (Sibley Stonehorse) says:

    The Chicken, after years of trying to justify all of the reasons he was said to cross the road, employs a series of off-beat and comical characters to assist him in finally demonstrating what seems to be the proverbial joke of the century.

  139. Richard Pavic says:

    This tale of Claude, the three-legged clog dancer will have you wiping your eyes, and rooting for him to find love…and a job. Relinquished mostly to circuses, Claude must face the demons inside his mind, and find a store that sells shoes in threes, all before he loses his sanity. This story of love and dancing-gone-bad will keep you on the edge of your seat, and never allow you to watch a reality dance show quite the same way again. Just remember that the ending has a twist…and shout!!

  140. Richard Pavic says:

    You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll become hungrier than ever before. In this soon-to-be classic, Breakfast at Biff and Tee’s, you will watch as the happy chef duo makes–waffles–and pancakes in the shapes of little shamrocks–and for the main course…French Fried Toast! Two young lovers, on a crash course for lunch, must figure out how to mix their love for one another (and banana/lentil pancake batter) before the flame flickers out.

  141. Jefna M. Cohen says:

    The bachelorette party of a lifetime up-ends Katia’s night, her budding marriage, and most societal norms when troupes of stripper nuns and exotic dancing “policemen” simultaneously arrive in this rollicking gender-bending, poly-amorous thrill ride that will leave you breathlessly wondering what happened—and with whom—long after this docu-dram-rom-com is over.

    Squirtsy Turtle delivers nonstop nuggets of delightful goodness in this lift-the-flap adventure that is sure to nurture curiosity in your little one as you as you follow Squirtsy’s trail of we’re-not-sure-what through the most unexpected of places in, Squirtsy, What IS That?!

  142. Aaron Wyckoff says:

    Tired of being outsmarted by pigs, the Big Bad Wolf becomes an Orthodox rabbi, but when a busted radiator leaves him stranded for three days at the Hogston Bacon Festival his faith is tested, and he must decide if his infatuation with the newly crowned Miss Bacon Bits is stronger than the temptation to go hog wild and devour everyone.

  143. Years after the disappearance of every Furby on the planet, they suddenly return in households everywhere hellbent on taking over the world and destroying anything that gets in their way.

  144. Chris Sturm says:

    The Horizontal Butt Crack machine has fallen into the wrong hands; the scientist who invented it must team up with a fledgling fashion designer to recover the device before it is unleashed on the multitude of hapless spectators at New York’s fashion week event.

  145. Lisa Chalefantr says:

    No one knew the world was going to end in 73 days and it would have had it not been for a cockroach named Cezar Mittens.

  146. Lisa Joyslin says:

    Women’s Fiction meets Thriller when a mom goes to Target BY HERSELF.

  147. Christina Dwivedi says:

    Life forever changes for elementary school teacher Marv after he gets slice of pizza from the new pizza shop in town, where the man behind the counter flicks ash from his cigarettes onto the slice, turning it into a talking menace of cheese and sauce that Marv must stop from taking over the world.

  148. A depressed nostril hair who grows too far back for heroic battles with attacking pollen must overcome his sense of worthlessness and stand in the gap when his host accidentally snorts a swarm of gnats up her nose and needs every hair at top form so she can attend her job interview without sneezing all over her potential boss.

  149. Dawn Kidger says:

    When Baz started working for the crook surrogacy business he didn’t really know what it was about, spent most of his day licking peanut butter from his overgrown finger nails, which were often unwashed and sticky with dirt, and enjoyed his self competitive smelly farting contests whilst driving around in his transit van.

  150. Alfonzo is an Ohio physicist pining to make chocolate bunnies with pinwheels. Meanwhile, Skip is an Australian chocolatier longing to be a physicist. They never meet or change; but a slew of busty cheerleaders jump up and down in slow motion only to be interrupted by a random multi-million dollar car chase. Plus, a burning man flails to the ground.

  151. After Sandra, a crazed fangirl, sneaks onto a celebrity cruise filled with every boyband she’s ever had a poster of on her bedroom wall and someone is murdered, she must use her expert knowledge to solve the mystery before someone starts asking questions about how and why she got on board.

  152. Blake Shelton and Justin Bieber attend a secret clown camp and switch bodies after a freak mime accident. Trapped in each other’s identities, and still driven by the music within them, they face a harsh world that won’t accept their “new” musical tastes. And one of them is just a boy wanting the love of a grown man’s ex-wife…

  153. At sunset, on a balmy summer night, a retired bus driver wages a battle with bees when he empties a can of wasp killer to destroy a nest perched under his wooden deck. The next morning he awakens to the sound of his buzzing alarm and when he opens his bedroom door he is surrounded by busy bees running his house as a bed and breakfast. The lucrative, Shark Tank-like business these bees and bus driver build together will blow your mind.

  154. Cindy Cervantes says:

    The end of the world is here everything is destroyed. But it’s not a zombie apocalypse its…wait are those kittens? Oh my gosh we will all die of their cuteness. RUN! Everyone RUN! I can’t breath they are just too cute! Ahhh!

    Coming to a cinema near you on Halloween 2015

  155. Cindy Cervantes says:

    Queen ant Antita of Antopia was working on an evil science project to get back at all the ant bullies up on earth. Queen Antita will find a way to make herself into the all mighty giant queen ant to destroy earth. Will she find the formula? Will the human raise survive?

  156. Karen Meiman says:

    His was a bird-brain idea. The pheasants revolted. History was made.

  157. Karen Meiman says:

    The mailman remained dead at this hour.

  158. Andrew says:

    A kitten after snorting catnip is plunged into a wormhole that sends her into the future where dogs rule over everything. She must figure out what caused this and stop it before whilst returning home before nap time.

  159. Chris McVetta says:

    Who would have ever dreamed that the end of the world would arrive in the form of Terminators disguised as self-service checkout registers at Wal-Mart? True, many believed the apocalypse would arrive while waiting for an old man to figure out how to weigh his bananas at that same checkout, but that’s neither here nor there.

  160. Chris McVetta says:

    Punchy the Billy goat solved mysteries for a living. With only his wits, oats, and Doctorate of Philosophy degree in hand, Punchy was ready to tackle the world of crime scene investigation, whether that be in Los Angeles, New York, Miami or Parma, Ohio.

  161. Francis Schwitzgebel Torres says:

    A writer planning to write his autobiography undergoes hypnotic regression and, remembering his erections while in his mother’s womb, decides to rewrite his life story in the light of this new and powerful insight.

  162. “The City of Stoney makes a yearly ‘good faith’ release of psychiatric patients. Mort Smash was thought to have been cured of aquaphobia. The light rain on his reentry causes a break that spirals into a quest to destroy all water in existence. Bear witness to one person’s march down the liquid path of madness!!”

  163. Clive McLaren says:

    A book for all bored housewives, full of anecdotes by middle-aged men’s passion for stamp collecting, bus timetables, cryptic crossword winners and most engaging of all, IRS tax collectors lunch-time conversations; an unmissable read for those who want to throw themselves under a bus!

  164. Sonny Kruger says:

    If you liked the Chipmunks before, just wait until you see them now. . .when they’re BLIND AND RETARTED.

  165. Clive McLaren says:

    “See ‘Probiotic’s revenge!’ in glorious 3D as carnage spews out New York’s drains, after billions of live yogurt cultures leak into the main sewer becoming a thousand times bigger, but as escaped pet crocodiles attempt to eat them the microbes are provoked to zombie-like savagery and madness, will those with healthy digestions survive?”

  166. Sonny Kruger says:

    In a world where 3 year old babies have automatic weapons, they must stop the evil sourcerer Khan from taking over their city with his army of bull riding robohumanoids.

  167. Jake-Sully says:

    When Wet-Willy swims too far up the shore to meet the confines of the fishbowl he’s in, he sees Andy, the kid who takes care of him.

  168. Jimmy Leggett says:

    Since he was a kid, Kevin dreamed of seeing his name in the record books. When he stumbles upon a million rubber bands, his dreams just might come true.

  169. The reader will assume it’s all a dream until THE BIG REVEAL when we learn it’s all a dog’s dream.

  170. Johnny gets picked on at school. And he hates it. It’s not his fault his mom happens to be a terrorist. Addy is the popular girl. She hates having to act a certain way just because her dad is the President. After a chance meeting at school, these two find love while helping each other cope with their parents’ job.

  171. Bob Roberts, dinosaur dentist, is fed up with cleaning herbivore remains from the teeth of top predators. Unfortunately, the mortgage on the new cave his wife begged for is due. And the Giraffe gang also wants what he borrowed for down payment by week’s end – too bad the monkeys robbed him yesterday. So can Bob prevail without telling his wife?

  172. Ann Boyles says:

    John, who loves dogs, and Suzie, who loves cats, argue incessantly about which of their pets in more deserving of their time and money, but at last they daringly put their disagreements aside to care for their ailing goldfish, only to see it tragically sent to fish heaven by the cat.

  173. Dejan Eskic says:

    In a world where amoebas dominate the food chain, one unlikely paramecium has to prove he’s the king of protists and get the girl.

  174. Little Red Ridinghood is reincarnated as a vegetarian wolf. With the help of Donald Trump, she is hunting the great white shark who swallowed her grandmother in Mexico.

  175. Kyle Jacobson says:

    A washed-out goldfish diva turns into a carp and starts working the strip clubs in Vegas only to discover a newfound taste for low-life scum.

    • IBOMCHA says:

      The different love maker, worker,orphan young man killed by the Headless Snake leaves a Spritual Wave acting the electronic-rolls. It revives the Super Computer; The Spaceship returns from the failure,squashes the Acid Rain-saves the Earth.
      (The king from sky)

  176. Trena J says:

    A woman sits in her backyard staring at her jungle of a garden. A bird lands on a branch, looks at her and dies. A butterfly flutters to land on a branch turns around to look at her and dies. Is it a conspiracy, end of the world, or Greek mythology come to life? I wouldn’t ask Medusa directly.

  177. Lisa Joyslin says:

    When Officer Gentry joins the New York City Police Equestrian Unit, his 17-year-old son Gunther enters an escalating feud with his father’s new horse partner, Elvis, who is determined to steal the affection of both Gunther’s father and girlfriend in this dual-perspective (Gunther and Elvis) YA romance.

  178. Suicidal time-traveler convinces his mother to have an abortion, not knowing that he was adopted. He has a one-night stand while very drunk and impregnates his birth mother.

  179. A cat watches grass grow, a documentary filmed over the space of a year.

  180. James Graham says:

    A recovering pedophile priest and two young boys join together to traverse the country following a Grateful Dead tribute band and in their travels each learn lessons about life, love redemption and experimentation.

  181. Michael Emmanuel says:

    In the land of foodmania, where large farm owners get together, dominate food regulation , and force small shop keepers to fight in a gauntlet for a meager earnings of loaves of bread and meat, it is up to one renegade ex-cop turned butcher to set free the people of food mania and reign in the new era of heartiness.

  182. Siamese triplets go on tour to promote Triple Sec liqueur and become marketing sensations. Along with their alcoholic mother, they hatch a plot to redefine cocktail recipes and replace all the hard stuff, but their plans for world domination go awry when a freak sawmill accident detaches one and, suddenly, Dos Equis seems like a better alternative.

  183. Laura Long says:

    Two middle-aged men engage in a battle to the death after discovering they have been sending the same numerous happy-faced emojis to an online profile of the name ‘Amber Lager.’

  184. Laura Long says:

    Erin Gobraugh embarks on a quest to find the owner of a random phone number she butt-dialed, after succumbing them to a lengthy one-sided conversation of the sound of old jeans rubbing together.

  185. In a world where Deadward remains young and Stella doesn’t meet Deadward till she was in menopause; the two star crossed lovers team up with rogue sled dogs, to battle badly dressed post pubescent vampires, all the while remaining chaste to keep their PG13 rating till marriage, in a little town called Spoons.

  186. In this cowspiracy of epic proportions, eighty-year-old William Newman must stop his bull’s plot to destroy the ozone layer by gathering all his bovine friends from across the continents, where they will release their noxious gases at one set moment in time, thereby killing all the humans and taking over the world.

  187. Kenneth Snipes says:

    Mary Sue is a woman who’s “remarkable” penmanship and “exquisite” stories have filled up Terabytes worth of data. Until one day, a dastardly warlock unleashes her work upon the unsuspecting world! Bringing them to life! With the help of her bland one dimensional characters and sheer determination, she takes her battle to the one place no one suspected- ‘meh’ fanfiction!

  188. Jonathan Lin says:

    In this gripping novel, the reader goes through the mind of an unconscious man as he exists on the fringes of existence, barely awake to think more than a few thoughts about the texture of carrots every couple of days.

  189. franklin1954 says:

    In this far fetched book that combines horror and fantasy fiction, the USA descends into anarchy when the best candidates to run the country are an egomaniacal billionaire businessman with a bad haircut and a female political hack with a track record of scandal, lies, deleted emails and monstrous conspiracies.

  190. laszlo kugler says:

    3rd submission,not for the contest.

    The wife of a reformed alcoholic tries to sue AA because now her husband, having realized how ugly she really is, has run off with her good looking younger sister.

  191. Rick Mason says:

    When communications with Earth go dark in an abandoned Martian encampment, a starving and lonely astronaut left with a single plump pig, a cloning device with enough charge for one last use, and a latent bestiality fetish discovers the choice between food and companionship isn’t so impossible after all.

  192. Dottie Davis says:

    Allie Marin has just graduated from Quantico and she’s ready to rumble. Her first assignment is to bring in a dangerous terrorist⎯alive. He turns out to be her ex-boyfriend who cheated on Allie with her own mother. Now Allie’s driving the Karma bus and that man’s about to be road kill. Just how “alive” does he have to be?

  193. Rick Mason says:

    After narrowly escaping assassination at the hands of a mirror-wielding vigilante, the loveless Medusa pursues immortality by stalking and seducing a chaste vampire for his contagious unreflection while wearing a bag over her head.

  194. My second entry:

    As nuclear winter ravages aboveground, observe in real-time this fifth-generation subterranean fallout shelter denizen copying by hand via dip pen the entire 60-volume set of the Great Books of the Western World; hand-copying each page of every volume from the set has become the literacy standard in this post-apocalyptic Society reminiscent of Socrates’ allegorical Cave.

  195. Walking home from school, eighth grader Jenna meets Seamus,the leprechaun, who claims his kind are native Earthlings while humans are from Mars and it’s time for the Martians to return home.

  196. When a mongoose from the slums of Mumbai meets a King cobra from the Taj Mahal, only their funky street dancing to Ganasangeet music can save their families from a vicious battle to the death!

  197. Dottie Davis says:

    Millions of years ago, Aliens wiped out the dinosaurs to make room for humans. Now they’re back and ready to reverse their “mistake.” One twelve-year-old boy holds the key that can stop them⎯an ancient bone with alien DNA trapped inside. If only he can get that bone away from his dog in time to stop the end of humanity.

  198. Mark Siragusa says:

    Terry, decides to enter the writing contest, and thinks it’s nice to leave a message to all contestants,
    wishing everyone well, but secretly, he tosses a bottle cap into the wishing well, asking the spirit of
    Mark Twain Clemens, to “learn” him how to write better than anyone else, so he’d be the Winner.

  199. A digital clock frozen at 0:02 mid-countdown; a dimension-crossing sentient octopus; two children playing with a creepy doll: we have no idea what links these things together, and neither will you.

  200. laszlo kugler says:

    Josiah, who was terminated just days before being born due to his mother overdosing on crack cocaine, is out to wreak revenge on all those who were deemed responsible.

    Bartholomew, the normally subdued pussy cat, has awakened to a long time latent plot to unite all feline to overpower all of mankind.

  201. Jill Langlois says:

    An M&M Peanut sorter is killed on the job from a possible peanut allergy while the CEO is called in for questioning on suspicion of conspiracy by a rogue cop, who is also his mother.

    • Jill Langlois says:

      Polly, a 19 year old cheerleader, still in high school, learns how to blow her nose properly.

  202. A demonstration in front of the White House by pro-gun, anti-abortion lobbyists is disrupted when one of the demonstrators goes into labor and delivers a beautiful baby boy with an AK-47 assault rifle who opens fire: mayhem, death, widespread recrimination result, along with, ultimately, a recognition that things might need to change.

  203. Pardon me, paring it down to less than 60 words:

    Amidst power outages preventing any electronic or recording device’s use, an Amnesiac (who likewise cannot remember how to write, spell, or draw) must decide what to put on his tombstone, so the Amnesiac seeks advice from a chronic stutterer (who, incidentally, fears communication of any kind and much rather prefers obsessing about quiet meditation on nothing but Tabula Rasa)…

  204. Kelly deVos says:

    She’s the vampire daughter of the head of Arizona’s dirtiest coal plant. He’s the vegan EPA lawyer on a mission to shut the company down. She wants tear out his heart and tear up his legal briefs. When they fall in love, he’ll have to decide if he can live with the world’s ultimate carnivore and her fossil-fuel-loving father.

  205. Elizabeth Ochsner says:

    After a polygamous hillbilly’s new wife gives birth to a walking stick, the man finds himself thrust into the mysterious world of Insect Hybrids and the war they’ve been waging against mankind for centuries.

  206. After Pat graduates from college, she works as a bookkeeper and marries Bob.

  207. Greg Shaffer says:

    Copier Crisis: In a world where the state of office equipment controls the fate of human civilization, the CIA Director’s Xerox machine is on the fritz and only renown copier repairman, I.M. Akin, can find the jam in time to piece together the codes, lost somewhere in the 6605’s feeder.

  208. A.R. Oscar says:

    In a post-apocalyptic Russia, a disgruntled fast-food employee gains a superhuman ability to spit toxic borsht after an accidental grease overdose, and must use the new-found power to oppose the plans of her enemy, Babushka McValya.

  209. Amidst a power outage that prevents the use of any electronic or recording device, an Amnesiac (who likewise cannot remember how to write, spell, or draw) must decide what to put on his tombstone, so the Amnesiac seeks advice from a chronic stutterer (who, incidentally, fears communication of any kind and much rather prefers obsessing about quiet meditation on nothing but Tabula Rasa)…

    • Pardon me, paring it down to less than 60 words:

      Amidst power outages preventing any electronic or recording device’s use, an Amnesiac (who likewise cannot remember how to write, spell, or draw) must decide what to put on his tombstone, so the Amnesiac seeks advice from a chronic stutterer (who, incidentally, fears communication of any kind and much rather prefers obsessing about quiet meditation on nothing but Tabula Rasa)…

  210. When Lester, the anti-social introvert, learns he is the only human being that is immune to a recent outbreak of a rare disease, he must overcome his first challenge in order to save the world: leave his overly-crowded apartment building.

    Prepare yourself for the most exciting IMAX experience, lasting over 3 hours as you receive your ticket, eagerly wait in multiple lines, fill out paperwork, take an ill-timed photo, and finally renew your driver’s license at: The DMV.

  211. Domenic Cregan says:

    August 21, 1972 follows fetus Starchild Jones as she breathes, kicks, and is “totally grooving in there man.”

  212. Genetically engineered, vampyric, angel clones must fight for survival and love in a hedonistic, oligarchy, post-apocalyptic society controlled by a cabal of sentient alien bees.

  213. Norma Klein says:

    Mary Parsons, mother and homemaker, shares her 75-years of experience in fun ways to create window trimmings.

    Farmers from around the world, with the exception of Romania or Latvia or something, gather to watch a grueling hours-long plowing contest that can only end in victory for one special person.

  214. 1- Clayton Manning dabbles in fiction hoping to hit the market as a modern Raymond Chandler or Mickey Spillane but never sells a word and not having a Kate Becket like Richard Castle he decides to take his teacher’s advice, “Write what you know,” but his solving his first case uncovers a national security issue he cannot expose even as fiction.
    2- Antagonist Anton’s entire life story written in base 2 (01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001) leaves the reader 01100011 01101111 01101110 01100110 01110101 01110011 01100101 01100100 about the real characters on which it is based but exposes an underground 01101101 01110101 01110011 01101000 01110010 01101111 01101111 01101101 eating geek society operating in Seattle’s underground streets.

  215. fred townsend says:

    His name was Donald, and he wanted to
    be President in the worst way.

  216. Julia Benally says:

    When the barber accidentally shaves off all of Louis’s hair with a sea shell, Louis goes through an identity crisis and becomes a zombie bent on de-hairing all of humanity.

  217. Timothy Dorset says:

    Sebastian ventures from the soft edge of bed through the treacherous terrain of clothes, and seeks out the waterfall of life and bristles of fresh breath.

  218. Joe Smith’s pilgrimage to find the ultimate blackberry smoothie gets put on indefinite hold when a massive solar flare takes out electronics worldwide, and he must rouse his gadget-dependent girlfriend (Jane Doe) from her shock-induced comatose state as she watches paint dry in their Manhattan apartment.

  219. Julia Benally says:

    When swimming champ Patty rejects the roach lord’s advances, he threatens to ban all the swimming pools on earth.

  220. Eric Montoya says:

    Idea #1: A man confronts his inner fears as he attempts to unravel and understand the enigma that is the California Revenue and Taxation Code.

    Idea #2: After conquering and reigning victorious over her battle with sleep deprivation, a woman indulges in a 12-hour nap of epic proportions.

  221. Eileen Foster says:

    A scared woman is forced to abandon her safe existence when she discovers she has been chosen to save mankind, however, she hates people so declines and hurries off to bed

  222. Leigh Anne Lagoe says:

    Bethany has learned to live with her fear of butterflies after a tragic childhood accident involving the winged creatures, but after inheriting her grandfather’s butterfly farm, she is falling in love with the lepidopterist that works there; little does she know he is experimenting on the butterflies to make them one hundred times larger.

  223. A Los Angeles garbage collector’s secret formula to convert discarded restaurant food to nutritious edible tablets goes horribly wrong when several third world countries have their entire population wiped out from botulism.

    A famous plastic surgeon starts a trend of making young people in their twenties look like their grandparents, but feds shut him down when the youngsters start unfairly applying for social security and getting discounts at Denny’s.

  224. Trond Hildhal says:

    A buxom swindler applies for a position of “Nursemaid to the Stars” and must decide if the con is worth the cost of her newly awakened maternal sentiments.

  225. Edelmar Dust says:

    Bad Idea #2: After accidentally killing himself with a lawn dart, the ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte hunts for a susceptible body that will allow him to ride all the rollercoasters at Canada’s Wonderland.

  226. Steve Stanley says:

    A man embarks on a lifelong struggle to step on his left foot with his left foot. Fails.

  227. Judith Krouse says:

    First grader boy sitting in class, going on trips around the universe, having the adventures of a lifetime before the bell rings that school is over for the day.

  228. Anne Skalitza says:

    A mysterious mystery where hidden agendas need to be found and incarcerated before the politicians get to them first.

  229. Neeru Iyer says:

    When a mad scientist comes up with the formula for a special, multipurpose, quick-drying cement called Super-C that can be used to grow buildings as well as fix teeth, retired detective Derek Hanna is the only person who can stop buildings from being grown in people’s mouths.

  230. Zainab Ali says:

    A small girl who was accidentally left alone in a dessert factory tries to prevent a triple chocolate meltdown from wiping off the face of the Earth.

  231. Zainab Ali says:

    An eye-glazing series of unfortunate events is bound to happen when a transgender teen takes part in a cross-gender dressing competition and falls in love there with an economics student who is seeking the first prize as part of a fraternity initiation ritual.

  232. Timothy Dorset says:

    A little boy drops his shiny new quarter that rolls around the city and takes him on the adventure of a lifetime.

  233. Delani Valin says:

    During a scheduled power outage, a young woman watches a still pot of water on her defunct electrical stove in a futile attempt to make tea.

  234. A Chinese Water Dragon must save his family when their bubble-gum blowing contest backfires, sticking them to the couch and leaving only Spike to ride the family dachshund Tootsie to the Circle K to wrangle chunky peanut butter in order to unglue his ailing family in time for Downton Abbey and a dinner of six tasty crickets.

  235. Jean-Jacques Myard says:

    Exasperated writer who cannot come up with his best logline for the book he’s finished writing years ago decides to start over by entering the Worst Storyline Ever Contest 2.0.

  236. Henry Herz says:

    Third-grade science whiz Walter White, tired of having his lunch money stolen by bullies, sneaks into the chemistry lab in the evening to create and distribute to other students his addictively tasty candy, Blue Crystal.

  237. Elizabeth Perry says:

    All 5-year-old Timmy wants for Christmas is a puppy. His parents get him a PS4 instead and he’s actually more happy with that.

  238. Sporting his Movember facial hair, unsuspecting Kyle is sent by his ill wife to Hobby Lobby for four necessary skeins of holly-berry green, variegated, worsted-weight yarn and a 6.5 mm crochet hook and is promptly accosted by a horde of glue gun crafters in the Clearance Aisle in their attempt to use him as a mannequin for own ill-advised creation of the ‘Perfect Christmas Village.’

    • (Correction to fit 60 word requirement)

      Sporting Movember facial hair, unsuspecting Kyle is sent by his ill wife to Hobby Lobby for four necessary skeins of holly-berry, variegated, worsted-weight yarn and a 6.5 mm crochet hook and is accosted by a horde of glue gun crafters in the Clearance Aisle as they use him for a mannequin in their ill-advised creation of the ‘Perfect Christmas Village.’

  239. Lucia Paul says:

    (Rats. one sentence). And again:

    Mother of six Charla Hanrahan arrives for her annual Silent Retreat expecting peace and contemplation, but finds a gender neutral werewolf is in control of the agenda, and soon…her heart.

  240. Lucia Paul says:

    Mother of six Charla Hanrahan arrives at her annual two-day Silent retreat expecting peace and contemplation. Little did she know that a gender neutral werewolf has taken hold of the staff…and soon, her heart.

  241. Kristina Linger says:

    It was the most horrendous day Marcus could have first the cars exploded with him in them then he chased the bad guy and caught him.

  242. Henry Herz says:

    A dandelion and a blade of grass consider their life choices as they gaze longingly past a picket fence in the fast-paced biopic thriller, The Grass is Always Greener.

  243. Preston Randall says:

    My third entry (not for the contest):

    After a freak electrical accident involving a short-circuited iPhone 6S, millennial homicide detective Addison Ashby uses her new special power of texting at 1000 words per minute to simultaneously interrogate suspects while researching their answers – in essence, communicating them into submission, in this psychologically thrilling murder mystery.

  244. Edelmar Dust says:

    A monkey seeks to become human by evolving through the eating of various irradiated processed foods it finds in nuclear power plant vending machines while simultaneously promoting sperm whale tolerance through the use of puns.

  245. Deb Palmer says:

    When the President and his cabinet are abducted by a seething mob of seniors, they’re injected with an incontinence stimulant, refused health care and forced to eat cat food, while dressed in poor quality generic adult diapers.

  246. In a world where Stella didn’t meet Deadward till she was in menopause; the two star crossed lovers team up with rogue sled dogs to battle badly dressed post pubescent vampires, all the while remaining chaste to keep their PG13 rating till marriage, in a little town called Spoons.

  247. Always pays to read the directions first! Let’s make this one sentence this time:

    After consuming too much tuna harvested from outside of Fukushima Nuclear Plant, Harold suffers from radioactive hemorrhoids, forcing him to track elusive but beautiful proctologist Sweetie Cheekz and her top-secret mayonnaise salve lest he be doomed to glow wherever and whenever he goes.

  248. After consuming too much tuna harvested from outside Fukushima Nuclear Plant, Harold suffers from radioactive hemorrhoids. Will a top-secret mayonnaise salve developed by beautiful proctologist Sweetie Cheekz save him or is he doomed to glow wherever and whenever he goes?

  249. Traci Bold says:

    The year is 2026: ten years after leading pesticide companies give their newest formula to farmers, insects, animals and plants retaliate against the humans who have destroyed their homes until only a few thousand humans remain who become subservient to them.

  250. Separated from his family after the Great Swabbing, a piece of earwax goes on an epic journey to find his loved ones with the help of his new friends, Toe Nail Clipping and Used Cotton Ball.

  251. Lisa E Betz says:

    After learning that he is the last true son of the High King, Aidan goes on a quest to find the cute girl who penetrated enemy lines to deliver the king’s last will and testament, certain she is the one who will bring him happiness.

  252. Traci Bold says:

    In the world of high fashion, perfume sniffing assistant , Lorna Nosegay, whose not so secret obsession with whiffing models backstage, comes in handy when designer, Chic Drastic, goes missing; her nose is the key to solving this odiferous mystery.

  253. Kevin Odberg says:

    A girl falls in love with a vampire but since his heart no longer pumps blood he can’t possibly get an erection so she listens to him tell stories about what Nixon was like in high school.

  254. Mollie Rushmeyer says:

    Mr. McPlatter the dinnerplate can’t help but fall for the curvy spoon from the wrong side of the kitchen, Miss Dipper, but when their families abhor the match, the star-crossed tableware run away together with help from their friends, Miss Fiddle the musical cat and jokester Mr. Diddle Diddle the dog in this modern retelling of a classic love story.

  255. Monte Gruhlke says:

    In super-secret stasis since 1945, Adolf Hitler emerges and takes a job as an apartment manager in Brooklyn (USA) and that’s when hilarity ensues! Offbeat tenants, plumbing mishaps and babysitting nightmares — Adolf finds it absolutely in-führer-iating! Then he realizes that they’re not his enemies, they’re family.

  256. Teenaged gymnast Betsy Jones, still reeling from her recent alien abduction, returns to her farm to find it encased in biosphere and she must race the clock to save her family from cow farts before oxygen runs out by finding the missing scientist who locked them in.

  257. M. Blake Reichenbach says:

    1. Marge accused Luanne of sipping communion wine before the Catholic Women’s Crocheters for Christ weekly Wednesday night meetings; rather than letting her life unravel like a half-complete, loose-stitch sweater in a commercial dryer (full heat), Luanne decides to take action and make herself a new woman by venturing into the wild adventures of quilting.

    2. A futuristic Romeo and Juliet; Gary, a sheep cloning specialist, meets and falls madly in love with Cheryl, a 25 million year old dinosaur who had been brought back to life by a secret order of Soviet scientists in order to wreak havoc upon cloned sheep.

  258. Daniel Tantanella says:

    Jelly, a gumshoe detective suffering from severe nut allergies, must go against all of her crime-stopping instincts to prevent all out war by bringing together the recently split, high profile, extremely dangerous Gluten Gang, all the while being shadowed by, can it be, her smooth-talking former partner turned vigilante P. Butter.

  259. Mollie Rushmeyer says:

    Chuck this one’s for you!
    When killer clowns from the planet Bozotron 7 invade earth intent on destruction through the use of their mind-controlling squirting flowers, Darby Sharp, retired rodeo clown, decides to strap on the fake nose and size 20 shoes one last time– this time to infiltrate the mass of alien clowns and save the world.

  260. In the year 3716 there are many ways for the Braygans to enjoy a little ‘alone time’, but none better than visiting alien worlds and probing every strange new creature they come across; until Selb probes the wrong grizzly.

  261. Mark W Carson says:

    Care Bear stares don’t stop bullets, but that doesn’t stop super-fanboy Brad from donning his rainbow emblazoned furry suit to fight crime in his neighborhood. When he gets targeted by an international hit squad, he has to start caring for real.

  262. Jim Casselman says:

    This isn’t for the competition as I’ve submitted two. It’s just for fun:

    Jeff is the lead guitarist for a promising band which hopes to win the city wide battle of the bands on October 15. But Jeff is a Christian and a well known TV preacher ha determined the rapture to occur on October 14. Join Jeff as he prays for one more day so they can compete and save the day.

  263. Faith Rivens says:

    It’s the end of the world as we know it when the ants of the world unite under the single goal of world domination. In their hour of need, humans turn to the one creature they have always feared to protect them from the infestation: spiders.

  264. Mark W Carson says:

    Armed with a box of Tim Bits and his trusty hooded sweatshirt, Andrew decides to leave his mother’s basement to join white supremacist movement in order to gather intelligence for the Illuminati.

  265. In this hilarious offbeat comedy, an orangutan named Donnie who has mastered sign language is shown the Primary debates on television, and subsequently lands a high-level advising position in the White House after his handlers publish a number of “rebuttals” which go viral on the internet.

  266. A thirteen-year-old girl with no personality gets it on with a much older guy who hangs round her school. Sparkles happen, but the guy turns out to be much much older.

  267. Guy gives up scholarship, drops out of San Diego State and moves to the cheapest part of Phoenix to finish his first novel–takes his grandmother to the supermarket, commutes to San Diego every two months for janitor job that’s always open for him–moves in with his mom in San Diego nine months and 100 pages later.

  268. Simon Betts says:

    Melody Gruntfuttock can’t believe her luck after winning two quid on the lottery. Now she has to decide whether to buy a packet of tic tacs, or a mars bar, then spies an offer on mint choc-chip icecream and all hell breaks loose.

  269. Simon Betts says:

    Trapped in a synthetic global environment, John discovers the last plank of wood on earth and embarks on a ludicrous rental scheme where billionaires are happy to stare at it for hours. The problem is, it was left in a will to Mildred, who wants half the money and the plank back to carve furniture for her pet Guinea Pig.

  270. Simon Betts says:

    Trapped a synthetic global environment, John discovers the last plank of wood on earth and embarks on a ludicrous rental scheme where billionaires are happy to stare at it for hours. The problem is, it was left in a will to Mildred, who wants half the money and the plank back to carve furniture for her pet Guinea Pig.

  271. A toothless vampire must resort to a demeaning collusion with the tooth fairy for a second chance at survival, but sporting tiny teeth will come at a heavy cost in this psychological comedy, think the BIRDCAGE meets TINKERBELL.

  272. Brittany Weekley says:

    I have 2 bad loglines

    Four kids, one night, and a serial killer trapped inside a Scottish Terrier. Join the kids for a night of terror with one bad pooch. He has a bone to pick with them.

    Batsquatch is back, and he’s out for blood. After a young boy shoots a blood-crazed Batsquatch in the eye to save his father, the squatch returns 10 years later to seek revenge. This is one thrilling squatch tale you don’t want to miss.

  273. Mark Siragusa says:

    Nick, and Linda, sleep together, so is everyone else sleeping with Linda, but the bed has
    memory foam, which, turns out to be the reincarnation of Linda’s, dead Ex-boyfriend Dallas, a raging homicidal maniac, who, threatened Linda, just before he was executed in Prison that he’d kill anyone, who she slipped around with.

  274. Jennifer Ruth Jackson says:

    Karl wants nothing more than to watch the kitchen linoleum curl all summer long but, when his wife insists on doing a time-lapse project of the event, Karl’s “me time” becomes a forced “we time” he soon resents.

  275. Kyle Janzen says:

    One thing happens after another with little conjoining thought between them in the most disjointed pile of crap that also asks the question, “The butler did it!”

  276. Wendy Alden says:

    Marmaduke Ruggles, a refined butler leaves his employment to travel to Bondi Beach to make sandcastles similar to the china tea services he’s carried for over 20 years to Lady Upperton, who was the reason for his OCD about walking barefoot in the sand forever more.

  277. Jerry Chadwick says:

    When a lonely software engineer falls in love with his own seductive Artificial Intelligence program, his part-time, librarian wife has to recompile her own kernel routines, so that she can pull his plug.

    Frustrated with his dead-end job as a contingent, nuclear reactor repairman, a middle-aged, former priest returns to his vows, only to be whisked off in the dead of the night by black-clad commandos in an impossible race against time and nuclear Armageddon.

  278. Claire Little says:

    Meathead hated people especially social media users so he trolled the internet in search of ways to manipulate message boards, infiltrate Facebook feeds and twist away tweets all on a mission to hack his way into the world’s virtual wasteland of lonesome losers, fake friends and suffering souls, but one thing, one great gruesome gangling gigabyte stood in his way.

  279. Jim Casselman says:

    A mishap jams a pink piece of paper in a copy machine. Follow its zany adventures as it waits for rescue. You’ll love this book as it’s part “Harry Potter” and part other famous secular books only Christian. It’s called “Paper Chase.”

  280. The new U.S. President is a three-headed alien, hell bent on destruction of the earth and the only one who can see the truth is shoe-shine boy Chuck Miller after he accidentally gets a blood transfusion from a gorilla – can Chuck get an army of gorillas and transfused buddies together to save the world before it’s too late?

  281. Jim Casselman says:

    When a man learns he has hay fever, his online research warns him that the hay in his county became demon possessed during the fourth blood moon. Shielded by a gas mask and armed with a golden pitchfork, he begins a quest to stab every blade of hay. Follow the excitement in “Fifty Million Blades of Hay.”

  282. After being bitten by the queen mother of all vampires – Hungarian Countess Anna Riceka and morphing into the world’s first half werewolf, half vampire, recently cursed Harry Oliver fractures every bone in his body during the full moon when he is transformed into a giant hairy bat with no sonar, forcing him on a desperate quest for a cure.

  283. Irene Theodore says:

    Sally is a normal girl, living a normal life until the day she loses her pencil and she must find it before the SAT begins, the suspense building when she can’t find it anywhere.

  284. Irene Theodore says:

    A lonely vampire decides to find a partner from the human race to accompany him in his immortal adventures, but accidentally drains her blood completely when he sees someone better who turns out to be a cross dresser and now he must live with his regret.

    • Jim Casselman says:

      Boy George sings a hauntingly beautiful melody for the film and wins an Oscar for best song.

  285. Paul Lucas says:

    Poot is a lonely toilet troll who has fallen in love with a flower nymph princess and tries to win her heart by rescuing her sister, the thistle twink, from the clutches of the compost ogre on Mt. Manure.

  286. Paul Lucas says:

    A drag queen designer is on the run for murdering the good name of fashion during Paris Runway Week and must hide from the fashionista mafia in a cloistered abbey until he can clear his name.

  287. Hesse Phillips says:

    Realizing that there is no money in astrophysics, Jeff–said to be the Chosen One of ancient prophesy, destined to lead humankind beyond the stars and into a Golden Age foretold to last 100,000 years–changes his undergraduate major to marketing.

  288. When humans are finally invited to the real Miss Universe contest, Earth beauty queen goes toe-to-toe with a shoe-stealing alien in a quest for fashion domination, but the other shoe drops when they realize they both want world peace and must decide whether to take on the establishment or establish their own world where peace, prosperity, and high-fashion rule.

  289. AnnaMarie Sanderson says:

    A young female art student specializing in the Italian Renaissance must find a way to overcome the Smithsonian’s resident obese ninja art theif, the Grey Elephant, before he steals the visiting Mona Lisa and starts an international art war.

    Unhappy with the current circumstances of his life, a teen wearing batman cufflinks travels to Bulgaria in search of the perfect girl to both hack into the DMV and join his struggling school’s female debate club.

  290. Kim Larson says:

    When Ray is fired from his volunteer position as Scarecrow at the Peace Gardens, it’s the last straw that pitches him to the side of the crows, who have a plot to start WWIII between the US and Canada in order to regain chaos in their gardens.

  291. Ellen Weeren says:

    Once upon a time, there was a time but it ended. Probably badly.

  292. A spunky young man who’s always dreamed of pitching for the New York Yankees, through a series of bribes and coercion, takes the mound for the Bronx Bombers in the seventh game of the World Series, trips over his shoelace on his first pitch, and breaks both ankles, causing both dugouts to erupt in catcalls and boos.

  293. Lonely NYC dog walker Hapha Terreor interrupts the Empire State Building’s desperate bug bombing when she falls through a city grate, entering an underground world with talking cats ruled by video game champion Thesor Mycetees, forcing them to sniff out where the city’s flea infestation came from and if they can-ine overcome their fe-lines for each other

  294. Brett says:

    Lost in the Triverse, young Stan (Robert De Niro) and Freddy (Carrot Top) compete in the first annual space-karate competition to save their star-speeder, their professor (Nick Nolte), and possibly their only way home, finding that love does conquer all in this radical ragtime space opera for young teens.

  295. Forget the wolf hunger is blind which leads the Three Little Pigs to clIp clop over to Zuckerman Farm and have their way with another pig named Wilbur.

  296. Unlikely trio of barflies discover the abyss of emptiness in the last beer bottle ever to be served.

  297. A young female graduate student at Moo University, assigned a research project of collecting hot, steaming horse manure for culturing Pilobolus crystallinus, is attempting to carry out her work, when she meets and falls in love with a tall, dark handsome shovel-wielding equestrian who is incredibly adept about the timing, tools and procedures for this unique scientific procedure.

  298. Jan Saenz says:

    The Berlin Wall has fallen, yet Beth is a uptight cobb salad with control issues. Carlo is an alcoholic cheeseburger with spunk. After a chance meeting at a Kentucky Derby afterparty, the two engage in all-night-romp, but there’s one problem: they didn’t use a condiment. Now pregnant, Beth knows this might be her only shot at having a baby before her boiled eggs dry up. But Carlo isn’t ready to be a father. A heartbreaking tale of love and lettuce, this timeless classic is now on the longlist for this year’s National Book Awards.

  299. A.J. Norris says:

    After merpeople are hunted almost to extinction or placed in captivity, the merman, Enigma, sets out on a quest to free his friends from zoos run by greedy humans, along with a band of misfits including the one mermaid who doesn’t want him, his neurotic brother and her clueless boyfriend.

  300. A dragon, persecuted for his sustainable thinking, flees joyful Empress Mildred and her Happy Empire with his sword-wielding protector Kate Slaughterhouse to the war ravaged planet Solaris where a band of rebel aliens threatens to start global warming and Kate’s time machine discovery catapults them into the heart of the peace talks.

  301. Gioia says:

    Kyle sheds his habit, gives up his celibacy and finds himself lost in the arms of a seductive witch only to come face to face with his real tormentor.

  302. In a tale that outshines the real-world imagery of Kafka’s cockroach masterpiece, and overshadows the epic proportions of Tolstoy’s War and Peace, Dorothy de kok presents the timeless tale of the exchange between coats of paint, as they discuss (in 7 volumes) the existential meaning of drying time, and how they come to terms with what it means to be coloured.

  303. Some of these are so bad that it’s actually good again. I mean, it only takes a talented writer to turn even the worst idea into a wonderful book!

  304. Nina Snyder says:

    A group of seahorses head off to Mardi Claw but drink too much ju-ju juice on the way, and must reconstruct the events of the evening in an action-packed mashup of “Finding Nemo” and “The Hangover.”

  305. Jeddy Wilkinson says:

    When the year 3000 is attacked by dimension hopping time traveling invaders, the pacifist regime recruits the one man in all of history who has repelled more time travelling assassins than everyone else combined. His name and crimes are lost to history, but can the man with the toothbrush mustache save the world?

  306. Phill says:

    After landing his dream job as an urban planner, Mitch faces up to the prospect that he will never experience excitement again and his life will be a reasonably-fulfilling, yet humdrum march towards the grave; meanwhile, his wife Jane, decides to quit her current job and try to get another one

  307. Monte Gruhlke says:

    When valley girl cheerleaders take a wrong turn on their way to a competition, they find themselves stuck in a small town neck-deep with gnarly zombies. The B-Squad, like, totally needs to bring their “A” game, using their routines and snarky banter to defeat these ‘grodies’ big time.

  308. Nathan Hipple says:

    Written entirely in verse, join Trevor the swamp monster in “Lettuce Not Yet Leaf This Mortal Coil” as, after eating the last living creature on his planet, he contemplates a life of vegetarianism, realizing that to a herbi-carnivore… his own leafy body very well may represent the greatest meal of all.

  309. Debra Chapoton says:

    When a post-apocalyptic math tutor finds the fifth dimensional dirivative of pi in a sewer behind a New York enclave of gender survivalists, he fights to restore order and equal education in a land where diversity laws have collapsed and no longer include the color blind or asthmatics.

  310. John Wells says:

    In the midst of World War II a German Jew finds romance and love while filming a comedy at Auschwitz.

  311. A herd of alien cats descends upon a sleepy Midwestern town, tragically using up a year’s supply of kitty litter in two hours, forcing the desperate townspeople to place their hope in Fred, a basset hound who, when’s he’s not sleeping twenty-three and a half hours a day, leads the kitties almost fifty feet away from the nearest litter box.

    • Ugh, I need more coffee–typed my name wrong in the box. Let’s try this again:

      A herd of alien cats descends upon a sleepy Midwestern town, tragically using up a year’s supply of kitty litter in two hours, forcing the desperate townspeople to place their hope in Fred, a basset hound who, when’s he’s not sleeping twenty-three and a half hours a day, leads the kitties almost fifty feet away from the nearest litter box.

  312. life on the farm is anything but easy for the agoraphobic farmer, but his magical cow’s cure makes a fear of open spaces the smallest challenge of his career.

  313. The son-of-a-bitch was looking for trouble much more than trouble was looking for him, but in the end nothing dramatic ever happened.

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