Step Up to the Plate and Lay Your Cards on the Table

Napkin Dad - Mixed Metaphors

Guest Blogger: Marty Coleman, The Napkin Dad

I am not a great writer. I get my grammar wrong, my sentence structure is sometimes caddywumpus and I definitely do not know proper punctuation. But I do know metaphors and analogies pretty well and it’s one of my great pleasures in life to read, hear or come up with good ones. But just as pleasurable is when I hear, read or come up with really bad ones.

Why is it so great to hear something so bad? Because it’s as if the world suddenly became an absurdist Looney Tunes cartoon with funny looking people and fractured language right in front of my eyes. I like things that make no sense whatsoever but still point to something that makes sense.

Most importantly, it makes me laugh and I like that.

What are YOUR favorite mixed metaphors?

 

Napkin Dad

Cartoon courtesy of “The Napkin Dad”

Marty Coleman, Photographer and Artist

See Marty Coleman’s photography

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  • http://juliedaines.blogspot.com Julie Daines

    Haha! That’s great! I love the cartoon!

  • Laura

    My mother used to say “You’ve buttered your bread, now sleep in it!”

  • Neil Larkins

    I’ve always liked a line from the song “Once in a Blue Moon” from the musical “Little Mary Sunshine.” (Our college theatrical troupe performed it the summer of ’64. Shows you how old I am…heh.)
    You made your bed a rolling stone and now the shoe won’t fit.
    You had your cake and should have known you’d have to lay in it

  • Neil Ansell

    ‘I smell a rat. I see it floating in the air. But I shall nip it in the bud.’
    Lloyd George, British politician.

  • http://michaelseese.blogspot.com/ Michael Seese

    That’s funny. When I read the title of the post, my first thought was “Nice metaphor…NOT!”

    In the book I’m working on now, I just came up with the following. I’m not certain it’s exactly a metaphor. But what the heck. The setup is, my protagonist is going on a “mission,” and dons a Rastafarian costume as a disguise.

    “So, how do I look?” I asked, hoping that he would appreciate, if not remember, last year’s Halloween costume, which I now wore with great relish.

    “Ridiculous. Like an idea for one of the Village People, who was voted off the island.”

    • http://annegreenwoodbrown.com Anne Greenwood Brown

      I like that he appears to have a glob of relish on his costume.

  • http://www.TurningTechInvisible.com Kevin Pashuk

    Thanks for the morning chuckle. This reminds me of the list “How to write good” that has been in circulation for years.

    I found a copy and posted it on my blog some weeks ago.

    http://turningtechinvisible.blogspot.com/2011/08/how-to-write-good.html

    Enjoy

  • http://www.josephjpote.com Joe Pote

    Great title for a blog! We do hear these sorts of mix-ups often.

    A guy I used to work with, when referring to a diffcult task which had to be done, would say, “Come on people, it’s not rocket surgery!”

  • Carol Moncado

    Ha! Love it.

    Reminds me of Ziva David on NCIS. She never mixes stuff up ;).

    • http://www.ruthmadison.com Ruth Madison

      Yes! And the bartender character in Boondock Saints does that too.

  • http://crowproductions.com joan Cimyotte

    The grass is always greener as the crow flies.

  • Nicky Smith

    From a recent workshop: “It had boiled down to the wire.”

    And while not mixed, still amusing: “…with the flush of a turnip.” I am fairly confident that it was supposed to be ‘beetroot’, but I’m not familiar with every variety of turnip out there :)

  • http://ibischild.blogspot.com marion

    Just put a sort of mixed metaphor in my WIP.

    The protagonist thinks of one character the crocodile.
    Paraphrased: She kissed me on both cheeks. Afterwards, I rubbed my cheeks the way you rub a place where an insect has stung you.
    But she was still the crocodile.

  • http://www.reginajennings.com/blog Regina Jennings

    My husband was describing a confrontation with a co-worker – “But I took it with a grain of assault.”

    • http://www.ruthmadison.com Ruth Madison

      Hahaha! I love that.

  • http://www.ruthmadison.com Ruth Madison

    “Only shooting stars break the mold”

    I can’t hear that song without twitching. My friends say I’m being way too sensitive. Actually, even a poetry teacher told me I was being too picky with that one!

  • http://www.loopdeloops.blogspot.com Kay Day

    my husband says “you can’t lead a blind man to water.”

  • Jo

    My husband deliberately used the phrase “there is more than one way to shuck a cat”.

  • http://www.wizardofotin.blogspot.com otin

    I always say: “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it would certainly ease my misery.”

  • http://e3write.com Elizabeth Everson

    Household faves:

    Your cookie crumbled, now go butter in it. (and variations)

    You made your bread, now go lie in it.

  • http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/ Val Thevictorian

    My friend used to say, “I know you like a book.”

    In return, I told her I could read her like the back of my hand. She didn’t get it.

  • http://careann.wordpress.com Carol J. Garvin

    Then there’s, “If you want to soar like an eagle don’t count the chickens before they’re hatched.”

  • http://blog.abibleaday.com/ Peter DeHaan

    Here’s one: “If you never step up to the plate, you will have no chance to score a touchdown.”

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