Paraprosdokian, Anyone?
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
This has been going around the web lately – you might have seen it. These are a few of my favorites.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
5. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
6. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, “In case of emergency, notify___,” I put “DOCTOR.”
7. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
8. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
9. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
10. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Share something fun or funny in the comments today! Have a good weekend.
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Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
This one is my favorite!
Oh, that’s brilliant!
Hey, that’s my line. Of course, I plagarized it from somebody else. But I used it in one of my stories: Waiting on the Thunder, by W.E. Turner
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
Love it–it’s clear and zebra-striped too these days
An acquaintance of mine once said
“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
Money isn’t everything, but it ranks right up there with oxygen.
A woman’s place is in the House. And the Senate.
When asked to choose my body type at the doctor’s office, I picked “athletic.” After all, Sumo is a sport.
My favorite!
There’s a type of Japanese joke that plays on this. Because the verb is last, the listener will be expecting from the sentence set up one type of verb or another as they listen.
So, the sentence sets up for verb A, and you end with an unexpected verb B.
I don’t find these ones particularly funny in Japanese, but we learned to do them in class one day. I like them in English just fine though.
Gosh, I want to do something today, but I don’t know if I want to drive in the Parkway or park in the driveway.
Loved reading these-should my brain turn on at any point today I’ll look to add one. Have a great day all!
I can relate to #4. I had that whole fruit vs. vegetable argument with my nephew over the holidays. He’s old enough I can have a discussion like that with him and drive my sister batty. It’s a win-win. He would say tomatoes are fruit and I would say they are vegetables. And we were both right, but he either couldn’t or wouldn’t see that. But then, cucumbers, and eggplant are also fruit, but I wouldn’t think to put them in a fruit salad either.
Actually, the U.S. Congress officially labeled the Tomato a “vegetable” many years ago.
Very good stuff Rachelle. I will be using some those today! ha
Money isn’t everything, but it’s nice to live comfortably.
I saw a biography on Robert E. Lee the other night. Did you know that his high school classmates voted him “Most Likely To Secede.”
Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
Nice to start the day with a laugh. Absolutely love #3.
Nobody ever goes to that restaurant because it is always so crowded.
Thanks for the dose of humor! I’m still laughing! Great phrases of paraprosdokian!!!
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing
Actually Vince Lombardi didn’t say that. What he reportedly said was, Winning isn’t everything. The will to win is the only thing.
I don’t have any, but number six reminded me of one of many, many hilarious Office quotes.
Michael and Dwight are fighting. Ryan (the temp) asks Dwight if he still wants Michael to be his emergency contact, and Dwight says no. “Just put….the hospital.”
I remember a late night conversation around a remote wilderness camp fire. A young man was bragging of all the ways his wife was at his every beckoning call. The psychologist in our group quipped “Sounds like you have her right where she wants you”
My favorite: A woman married for sixty years was asked if she ever wanted to divorce her husband.
“Divorce him? No, never. I’ve wanted to kill him a few times, however.”
Isn’t love grand? Happy weekend!
I used to be so smart–but now I know better.
I used to be proud–but I’ve risen above it.
“I have the heart of a small boy…and I keep it in a jar on my desk.” Stephen King
“We were very happy for 28 years. Then we met and got married.”
I’d love to say something funny, but I am still reeling from the punch of reality given by #2: The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
It is on my list alright. I will write truth as fiction and continue to do so until I am in my grave, and I fear the motivation is to make sure all the villains – though loved – are properly exposed and punished.
This reminds me of another one from a husband who told his wife that he loved her so much that he would never wish her to become a widow, instead he would prefer to see himself becoming one.
What on earth are you doing! For Heaven’s sake.
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.
And let me add that Oscar Wilde is the king of the paraprosdokian.
This one’s for all my college buddies, “Edify, stupid!”
Um, I think I use this one more than I even realize. (Ha!)
7. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Soooo funny! #1 is my absolute favorite. Isn’t it the truth! (I’m reminded of it every time I turn on the news.)
I don’t believe it’s a “paraprosdokian,” but for a laugh: “So dishonest that if he caught himself telling the truth, he’d quick tell a lie just to get the taste out of his mouth.”
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then
proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
My brother’s concoction, when we were young:
“Conceit is a fault, and I have no faults.”
Loved these! Thanks for the good endorphins.
I don’t know what this would be called, except honesty, but my grandmother said it a lot:
You’ve blessed me twice, when you came and when you leave.
These are way too funny!
I’ve got nothing witty to say. Which is very common for me. So … I’ll go ahead and not say it!
http://www.mjmonaghan.com
@mjmonaghan_
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary arithmetic, and those who don’t.
If the past is in your way, you’re trying to live life backwards.
Reality is OK, but it’s no substitute for the weekend.
If not for Geography, we would all be nowhere.
“There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary arithmetic, and those who don’t.”
Even though there are a lot of really funny ones here, that’s the one that got me!
My favorite variations–
Lucy van Pelt (“Peanuts”) paraphrased:
I’m the most pessimistic person I know but was worried about the future of my pessimism. Now I’m optimistic about it.
Corrie ten Boom (“The Hiding Place”) paraphrased: You do not become a Christian by going to church any more than being born in a biscuit tin therefore makes you a bisquit.
A stupid man will always brag about his intelligence, while a smart man will always doubt his own.
I actually wrote a blog post a little while back with some ideas like these.
http://www.wizardofotin.blogspot.com/2011/10/analyzing-few-sayings.html
Something my teenage son once said to me:
“I’m not arguing with you, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.”
I’ve heard that one too!
“I used to be proud,” he said, “but now I’m humble.”
One I heard tonight from my son’s friend…
“I’m going to be completely honest with you. I always lie.”
Clean as a whistle? What about spit?
Does “The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful” fit? If not, how would you describe all those turns of phrases that Jimmy Buffett is good at coming up with?
These are so funny, including the suggestions in the comments. My favorites are #2 and #7. I’ve used those or variations of them quite often.
For some people the primary purpose of living is to avoid dying.
Yell & scream all you like, kids never listen. But they do watch.
I like #7
Here’s one I saw on a T Shirt
If we can put one man on the moon, why can’t we put them all there.
I see you missed me, I’m glad your rifle doesn’t have a scope.
Loved all of this. Everybody needs to get or give a giggle. These do it.
Every time my father called I would say, “How are you doing, Dad?” He was in his eighties and would reply, “Every body I can and those who’ll let me, twice.”
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Enjoyed this blog. Thanks.
I have learnt a new figure of speech. Knowledge is sweet. Keep it up, Rachelle.
Winners don’t whine just because they didn’t win. Whiners don’t win just because they whine.
–Susan L. Lipson
http://www.susanllipson.blogspot.com
The only thing you know is that you never know.
Wow! what an idea ! What a concept ! Beautiful . Amazing.
If silence is golden, then shut up and get rich!