Can’t We All Get Along?
Guest Blogger: Marla Taviano
I sat down to read Rachelle’s blog one fine Thursday morning last year, hoping to absorb nuggets of wisdom that would propel me to stardom. Instead, a gooey green bubble of jealousy gurgled up in my gut as I read about some other author living my dream.
“She totally encroached on my territory,” I thought, the left half of my top lip peaking into an ugly scowl. “Signed with my publisher and my agent and she writes books on my topic.” To add insult to injury, she was getting multiple book deals with talks of a movie being made from one of them. A movie! What next — a freaking theme park? Everything was going her way, and shoot if it all didn’t completely ruin my day.
Darn that Kathi Lipp.
Now this is the part where my memory gets fuzzy, but somewhere in the midst of sitting dejected at my computer with my career at a screeching standstill and wishing a pox on Ms. Lipp’s head, we struck up an online friendship. I don’t know who made the first move (it was probably her), but before I knew it, the poison in my heart gave way to warm affection for a person I’d never met.
“Well, I’ll be hanged,” I said to myself. “I like this Kathi Lipp. She’s fun and witty and has a heart of gold besides. Reminds me a lot of myself actually.”
In no time at all, we’d worked out a plan that would benefit us both. She would take copies of my book Is That All He Thinks About? to her speaking engagements on marriage, and I’d take her book The Husband Project to mine. It’s been a match made in heaven, and lo and behold, I’ve learned a thing (or four) as a result.
1. Promoting other authors makes you look humble. You might not actually be humble, but singing the praises of someone who does what you do (and maybe even does it better) gives you all kinds of credibility.
2. You have the potential to reach (at least) twice as many readers. Who in her right mind wouldn’t want to double her audience without lifting a finger? I can’t think of anything better than people buying my book at a conference or retreat I don’t have to attend.
3. It eases the pressure of getting another book published. I was on a publishing roll for four years and then got stuck. Now when people say, “When’s your next book going to come out already?” I flash The Husband Project in their face to distract them.
4. Jealousy sucks. Getting along with other writers (and people in general) and rejoicing when they succeed is infinitely more fun than being bitter. I’ve learned this the hard way, but I learned it darn well.
So, what do you think: Is there room for cooperation and collaboration among writers in the seemingly dog-eat-dog world of publishing?
And just between you and me, I’ve had a number of women ask me to sign Kathi’s book, not realizing I didn’t write it. I just smile big, open the front flap, and scrawl, “Hope you find me and my book as brilliant and witty as I do! Smooches, Kathi.”
Marla is wife to one husband, mama to three young girls, and author of four books. She loves to blog about sex, missions (generally in separate posts) and an assortment of other hot topics. Hop on over TODAY for a chance to win your very own copy of Is That All He Thinks About? AND The Husband Project. MarlaTaviano.com
© 2011 Rachelle Gardner, Literary Agent
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My Twitter name is @RachelleGardner.
My passion is partnering with authors to bring worthwhile books to publication. I started this blog as a way to create a community of writers, both published and seeking publication. I write about a wide variety of topics of interest to writers, and I consider the reader comments even more important than my own posts.
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>This is not only great advice, but had me laughing all the way through.
>So true. Jealousy does nothing but harm us. How awesome that the two of you were able to work together and promote one another.
Now if I could flip all my moments of jealousy on the head like you did.
>Hi,
I've been doing just that. Promoting authors as I'm just an aspiring writer at the moment, but I never realized it means it's good for me too!
>Hanging out with writers/authors encourages me, we speak the same language.
But, having a chance to help another writer/author out with sales, or by word of mouth is a blessing.
As much as I desire success with my book, making a friend in the process is icing on the cake. And, will hopefully last much longer than any print run of my published work.
>Great post. Thank you! And I love the cover and title of your book. So funny.
Amy
>Whether it is cross promotion, helpful advice, a shoulder to cry on or just plain friendship, having a fellow writer on side should be wonderful. Having someone who knows the industry and can be honest about your work and share the little highs and lows that come with the profession.
>Despite the humour, Marla has touched on a sensitive issue. It's hard to see others getting to where we aspire to be, but I don't think we should look at the journey to publication as a competition. The online writing community is an awesome group of people. Making friends, learning from and encouraging each other makes it easier to cheer for someone else's success because we know they'll be there to do the same for us when our time comes. I love how Marla and Kathi discovered each other and worked together. Yay for cooperation! It feels so much better than envy and jealousy.
>Brilliant post! Absolutely brilliant. We're built for collaboration. From what I can tell, you and my "darned" friend Kathi Lipp will leave one or two people scratching their heads and the rest of us in stitches.
>What a great post! Collaborating is always better than stewing and seething with envy.
So pleased you figured out a way to make both books work!
>Funny! And a great idea. I'd be more than open to helping out my author friends in that way one day. Do you think this is something that works well specifically for nonfiction? Or do you think cross promotion will be as effective for fiction writers as well?
As for your book, I happen to know that IS all he thinks about, but I'm hopping over to your blog in hopes to win a copy anyway.
>Honest, funny and warm – thanks for that post, Marla! More power to both of you.
Completely agree about promoting other writing colleagues. I've been highlighting some of my published writing acquaintances on my blog (ros-readingandwriting) over the past year, and it benefits us all.
>Loved this post – fantastic. How wonderful to see how God can turn upside down our envy and bring good and blessing out of it!
I run a book club in Woman Alive, the UK Christian women's mag, and am going to request a review copy of your book – love the title! (See womanalive.co.uk)
>Loved this!!
>Marla, You are so funny! And I can relate. Sigh.
>Marla, What a great post! I was chuckling all the way through. Yes, we authors need to cooperate – push one another's work, buy one another's work. cheer for each other. That's a win-win situation for sure!
>So, very funny! You've really gotten me thinking today, Marla! Thanks.
>So funny and so true.
I had a similar experience at a writers conference. Lisa and I sat across a table casually sharing our life stories. When she shared what her book project was about, I nearly fell to the floor. She could have been speaking about my own project. When the other tablemates left, we honestly shared our feelings, which led to prayer, which led to a friendship that continues to this day.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed…. Eccl. 4:9 NLT
>There were so many things I enjoyed about this post it's hard to list them all.
I absolutely am all about uplifting other women, so this post scored big with me.
I read in The Message recently, "A person making things up tries to make himself look good." John 7:(somewhere b/c The Message doesn't give me any clue).
I want to be the real deal. I don't want to make things up to try to look good. I thought of that above verse when I read your #1.
I love how honest you are with the jealousy bit. Rejoicing is way more fun than being bitter.
What a crack up that you mention you are wife to one husband!
I must agree how great your subtitle is, no really…how great it is.
And finally, heading over to follow your blog. You sound like someone I'd love to laugh with!
~ Wendy
>All right, that gave me my morning laugh. Smooches? Too funny!
>So, what do you think: Is there room for cooperation and collaboration among writers in the seemingly dog-eat-dog world of publishing?
Of course. Personally, I think that if you’re looking at publishing as a dog-eat-dog world then you’ve got your priorities are messed up. If what you’re worried about is book sales then it really is a dog-eat-dog world. But if you’re focused on influencing the reader to take an action, it doesn’t matter whether it is words you wrote that incite the reader or the words of another. As long as the reader gets incited to do the right thing, that’s all that matters. If someone else put the time in to write the words, then that is just less effort that I have to put in to accomplish the same thing.
There is another side to that, but Rachelle probably doesn’t want us talking about that.
>Awww, I love this! It gave me the warm fuzzies AND good advice, all wrapped up in one!
>what an exciting experience!/hilarious! Delightful! True!
Organic Gardens
>I read on a writers loop recently about how interviews and guest posts don't always show a writer's voice. I had to say if this post is any indication to your writer's voice, I can't wait to read your books!
Great topic and terrific advice. Thanks!
>This really hit home today. Yesterday I wrote tongue-in-cheek on my Facebook page: "Apparently I've reached a point in my writing career where I'm important enough for other people to ask me to support their work, but not important enough for them to do the same for me."
I certainly don't have the last and only word on my topics, and I usually don't think twice about supporting someone else's writing or project when asked. My first boss out of college drilled into me that you should always help someone if you can, even if you can't immediately see a benefit for you. In that workplace–a job counseling program for homeless men–we got lots of calls from high school students doing research on homelessness, asking for stats or quotes. My boss' feeling was that we should go out of our way to help, because who knows where that would lead those students? Maybe they would become part of the solution to the problem down the road. I didn't realize how much I'd internalized that advice.
Linking to other people's books or blog posts on my Facebook page or blog, inviting guest posts, allowing others to reprint things I've written, providing an introduction to a colleague–it never occurs to me NOT to do these things. But it is discouraging when my requests for others to do the same are met with a brisk "no thanks–too busy!" or worse, silence. That said, collaboration has led to a few relationships that have added a lot to both my professional and personal life.
>first of all, your writing is hilarious! i thoroughly enjoyed reading this. second, i could agree more. two is usually better than one!
>What a great post – and a really encouraging one for those of us who are just at the beginning of our writing journeys.
I've recently read two books by Natalie Goldman on writing, and she makes a similar point (I can't remember which book this was in, unfortunately!) The way she addressed the jealousy issue was: if someone else has written what I wish I had written first, try to think 'oh good, that's more wisdom for all of us'. I'm trying to turn my jealous frustration into gratitude that I get to learn from the other person's wisdom. It definitely helps. But easier said than done sometimes, huh?
I can't finish this without letting you know that I read your book last year and *LOVED* it. My sister recommended it, and she was right as always – I've since recommended it to several friends! My husband loves that I read it – big surprise, huh? Now I guess I have to go and read Kathi Lipp's!
>Wow, everybody. Thank you so, so much for being so sweet.
I'll be honest. I was going to ask Rachelle to postpone this post. A dear friend of mine (38yo mama of 2) had a major stroke two days ago and had to undergo surgery yesterday to remove part of her skull to alleviate the swelling on her brain. She hasn't woken up yet, and we're praying so hard she does.
I have tears in my eyes, because your comments have been a bright spot in the midst of a very hard time. God knew just what I needed this morning. Praise him!
>I love Kathi Lipp–she has written articles for me in Connections magazine. And, after reading Marla's blog post, I know I could like her just as much! It's that whole "A friend of Kathi's is a friend of mine . . ." phenomenon. (That's a difficult word to type first thing in the morning.)
No one likes to talk about the fact that we authors get tripped up by jealousy, so thanks, Marla, for being honest. And for making me laugh out loud while you did it!
>What a wonderful post, Marla. Important truths wrapped in a humorous package!
I am praying for your friend. May the ultimate Healer give her comfort, renewal, peace and strength.
>Love it Marla.
As one who knows you and Gabe I appreciate your heart for God and His world. I often learn from your example. Here is just one more illustration.
>So true!
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine said that she was going to start blogging and write a book and I was jealous at once of the mere possibility of her future success!
I had to smack myself a couple of times and tell myself how fab it would be to have her as a critique partner.
Now I want her to hurry up and finish her book so I can read it.
Jealousy is a useless emotion.
>Fabulous post! All true. Just one thing jumps out at me, though:
"Promoting other authors makes you look humble. You might not actually be humble, but singing the praises of someone who does what you do (and maybe even does it better) gives you all kinds of credibility."
Why do this with the ulterior motive of "looking" humble or gaining credibility? Why not simply out of real enthusiasm and generosity? Those will take us all much farther in the end.
>Sharon: I wrote that sentence 96% tongue-in-cheek.
>What a great blog post. Fun, Real and good advice. Thanks!
>Lovely–and FUN. Thanks for sharing, Marla. You brought chuckles and insight and "relief" to my morning!
>Dammit, Marla. I was going to blog that!
(Just kidding. Great post!)
>Marla! You are delightfully, refreshingly honest! I love this post — it cracked me up, probably because it hit so close to home.
I have to admit, I had a raging jealousy of Billy Coffey (a Rachelle client) when I first came across his blog. I fumed and fussed, mostly to myself and my poor husband, who heard the name Billy Coffey once or twice around here…and then got to know Billy a bit through his blog. Of course I discovered he was gracious and lovely and too genuine to hate.
I'm still not immune to writer-envy, but I'm working on it.
Great post, Marla — I'm heading over to check out your site (just warning you…I'll probably be jealous).
>The first time I read this through, my first though was, "Oh, Marla is so right I feel that all the time," and then my second thought was, "I wonder who she's talking about?"
Gulp.
Isn't it funny that I could only wonder who she was talking about – it never occurred to me that another writer – one who I really admire – could look at what I have and want it. Two conclusions:
1. Marla – thanks for writing what all of us are feeling.
2. God is so not done working on me…
>Words to live by! Great post!
~D~
>Ha! You are so funny, Marla. I know you probably don't feel like being funny right now, with your friend's situation, but thanks for your generosity in sharing your humor even at a difficult time.
I have found such comfort and encouragement in supporting other writers and in feeling their support for me. I think it's an especially good idea to do what you and Kathi did: find an author whose work is compatible with yours, and take pleasure in sharing that other author with your readers. We can't actively promote every other author on the planet (though we can be supportive to everyone). It makes sense to try to bless our readers by choosing carefully which author's work will be enjoyable to them.
Reading is not a zero sum game. We don't have to see it as fighting for our piece of the pie. Sometimes, readers don't buy a lot of books because they don't find authors they love. So let's help them find authors they love by considering their tastes, and there will be more pie for everyone.
>Thanks for sharing such excellent advice!
>smiles. thanks for the chuckles and the advice…
>If writers don't support each other, who will? The only competition that's appropriate in writing is that feeling that pushes you to write the very best you can because you just know you can write better than so-and-so. If you and so-and-so end up being best friends, so much the better!
>I loved this post. You are funny and I now want to be your friend. Like I want to be Beth Moore's friend. : )
I don't know Joanne, but I am praying for her. Just posted about her yesterday.
>First of all, it's hard not to be a little jealous of Kathi– her books are SO great and she's doing so well… but you're right, it's also hard not to adore her. She's A-mazing. But, one thing I have learned is that other authors can be a HUGE resource. I read YOUR book on babies and it really helped me to get some ideas for my next book. And Kathi's speaking ideas and marketing plan have helped me to develop my own. So, I think cooperation and collaboration between similarly-minded authors is so, so important. And, by the way, when I get a twinge of jealousy, it's usually towards YOU, Marla. You have written SO many wonderful books and your books are so, so loved by so many young moms. I just love what you've done… and while I haven't read "Is That All He Thinks About", I'm putting it on my to-read list asap.
>This is the whole premise behind the "Class of…" groups. Starting with the Class of 2k7, each year a group of debut middle-grade and young adult novelists forms for group promotion.
2k7 included authors Rebecca Stead (2010 Newbery winner), Jay Asher, and Melissa Marr, to name a few.
Having recently had my debut moved from 2011 to 2012, I'm helping get the Class of 2k12 established. Any of you who are mid-grade or YA novelists with your first novel coming out next year, contact me.
>Love, love, love this. Great points! I heard Kathi speak last year and thought she was great… it sounds like your book is great too. A wonderful team!
I've written children's books and have had the opportunity to develop lasting, wonderful relationships with other children's authors that have not only opened the doors for support, but also for other writing opportunities. It definitely is a good thing to help promote each other.
>"Is there room for cooperation and collaboration among writers in the seemingly dog-eat-dog world of publishing?"
Hey, there's always hope, right? Seriously, some of the best work I ever did was when I co-wrote with a friend. I have since lost track of that friend, but I hope to someday co-write with her again.
>I had to laugh as I read this. For several years, I played with the idea of writing a certain book I thought was really *needed* in my region, but I never did anything about it. And then someone wrote and published the very book I wanted to write, and I hated her for it … until I met her. Turns out we were two peas in a pod!
Thanks for the smiles!
>Fantastic attitude, more women should support each other like thos. There is no room for jealousy there is plenty for everyone.
Cheers janet keen
from new Zealand http://janetkeen.blogspot.com
>Thanks, everybody, for your kind words! Super thankful for this writing community!
>"Jealousy sucks. Getting along with other writers (and people in general) and rejoicing when they succeed is infinitely more fun than being bitter."
I had read through to this point and thought I saw "…is infinitely more fun than being a biter."
Yes! That's exactly like how it feels sometimes…you want to be a 'biter'! Okay, just having some fun with your words. Jealousy does want to grab on, but it definitely slows down the creativity.
The post was fun, fun, fun!
>I love Kathi! She has a heart of gold. Not just with words on paper but in real life. Her warmth is infectious and she always keeps it real. Which I LOVE.
>I've been doing this for years. I created a bookselling operation to promote my own books, and found I needed to carry other titles in case people didn't want fantasy. So now I carry just about every title my publisher produces. Which is good for her and them, but since no one else is doing the same I still am the only seller of my own books.
>I was just checking back here and reading some of the comments. Am sending up prayers for your friend, Marla. May God bless her with healing, and strengthen you and her family as you support her.
>Turned that Jealousy into inspiration. Bravo!
>Marla,
You are a delight and I love that Kathi Lipp too. Hey, perhaps we can swap books as well. I will try to find your email address. Thanks for a great article. BIG hugs, Lynn
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