Q4U: What’s Your Book About?

>Ok deep breath… say it slowly, say it slowly.

Hunted across the galaxy by a powerful religious cult, an amnesiac searches for clues to his past and the forgotten knowledge of a prototype weapon that has the power to enslave billions.

OK, providing that took approximately fifteen seconds to say and didn’t sound like encoded message burst, then I will have delivered my first elevator pitch. Yay!

This pitch is as much as WIP as my WIP is, but it’s getting there.

I hope.

>Yuk. This is mean. Every time I try to write it down, it sounds horribly kitchy.

Bleagh.

Guess that means I need to adjust something.

>For the sake of brevity; The 15th floor comes quickly!

Finished ms: A woman’s search for happiness is thwarted by things – and people – out of her control.

The WIP: A woman expects a windfall of change with her thirtieth birthday.

>Oy. Already I’m looking at those and saying, “Stinky, stinky, stinky!”

>My current project is Secret Life of Bees meets the Secret Garden–a young nurse’s father disowns her, and she rebuilds her life while restoring a ruined garden.

>My WIP is a true love story of deception, grace, and forgiveness.

If the elevator makes several stops along the way…I’d continue:

My story presents the scriptural lessons a husband learns about love, forgiveness, and
God’s perfect timing, when his dying wife confesses a thirty-year deception and rededicates her life to Jesus Christ.

Ding…there’s the 15th floor.

Jim

>“Well, I’m glad you asked, Rachelle, because I didn’t want to be an annoying person who traps editors and agents in elevators! My name is Debra Marvin and my story is set in Glasgow, Scotland in 1837.

My heroine awakens, violent and bloody, in an asylum with no memory but linked to a murder she can’t recall.

The hero, a shy young reverend, anxious to end the guilt of turning his back on his mentally ill sister, promises to protect this fiery woman. But, by doing so, he forfeits any chance of the quiet, well-respected life he so desires–a life no longer shadowed by family madness.

On the run, they begin to discover truths about each
other–terrible truths that free them, but may force them apart forever. The only way to prove she is innocent is to find the murderer themselves.

Taking place in a background of murders, greed, the outlawed slave trade, and other juicy plot twists, she learns that the value of a promise is only as good as its giver. That ended up being my theme. He finally understands the depth of God’s forgiving grace. Together they overcome all obstacles to, of course, find love and sweet freedom in God’s will.

I believe it will finish around 80,000 words or more when I’m done polishing the heck out of it. I’d be thrilled to give you a full synopsis right now if you are interested.

Oh, you are? Wonderful. Thank you. I’m thrilled. Did I already say that? As it turns out, I have an appointment with you later this week, so we can talk more details then!”

(I’m practicing this spiel but I don’t think it would come out that smooth, so I didn’t include the “ums”but you can be sure they’d be in there.)

>As a former atheist, I write with a heart to reach the lost and engage the culture with the gospel in a fresh way. So, my pitch for my novel, The Connection, is:

Brent Nelson knows the road home, but he has no idea what waits for him there. When his brother falls under the spell of a New Age guru, Brent, a skeptic, returns to his hometown to shatter religious illusions. Instead, his rationality will be stretched to the breaking point.

It’s a story of suspense with the smarts to stick around and theological chops to please a Christian audience–with the careful attention to detail that I love as an editor. The manuscript is completed and in revision, and I’m praying for God to provide the right venue.

Thanks for listening.

>When I finally quit stuttering from the shock of an agent speaking directly to me:

My finished novel, “The Impossible Choice”, explores the impact on faith and family when the opposing beliefs of siblings are challenged by anti-religious terrorists. The practical themes of terrorism and love balance the emotional questions of identity and spirituality in this 75,000 word Christian suspense novel.

And if she found that interesting, I would be able to detail a bit more about the characters and plot in a follow-up spiel.

>What happens when a phobic writer engages in a battle to the death with her own nom de plume, while her ex, his harem, and her crazy aunt “Elizabeth Taylor” lay minefields all around her? That’s “Living in Bliss.”

>Update: I’m already noticing problems with people’s pitches sounding either too much like a written pitch (remember, this is a verbal pitch, you don’t want to sound stilted) or too vague. The agent DOES NOT want to know the theme of your book, i.e. “explores love and forgiveness, yada yada yada.” They want to know the story. Keep working…

>Oh, well, why not?

“Thanks for asking. It’s a novel of romantic medical suspense featuring a young female doctor who flees a failed engagement to set up practice in her hometown, only to find that someone there wants her gone…or dead.”

“Sounds interesting.”

“Thanks. Oh, here’s your floor.”

(Pulls out cell phone. “Rachelle? I just talked with…”

>Rachelle, babe, off topic here. Just saw your comment on my “Weird Photo Friday–write the caption” post today. For heaven’s sake, YOU don’t have to earn a copy of Dark Pursuit. I’m embarrassed that you don’t have one. My asst. will send one over.

Lotsa love, ~ Brandilyn

>”It’s called Prayers For Blowouts – The Christian’s Guide To The Frequent Collisions of Sports and Faith. It’s a humorous book that covers everything from a biblical history of sports to a Christian’s guide to playing Fantasy Football to the athletes who love to namedrop Jesus after a big win. There’s also some great stories from my life in sports that readers will relate to – from not making my little league team to where I am now as a sports parent for my two children. It’s a book that will hopefully leave readers entertained and encouraged that sports are more than just a trivial distraction to their spirituality.”

you did say it wasn’t a high-speed elevator, right?

>Here’s the one I won’t be pitching, on an elevator or otherwise (or writing for that matter):

On the verge of running out of food, sixteen vampire cheerleaders discover a new feeding ground and set off for Earth in their sentient spaceship Eatmore II; but when they encounter a broken down space vessel, they must learn that you shouldn’t eat your friends before their spaceship dies and the werewolf football players destroy Earth first.

>First, I’d probably stutter my entire way through this and it definitely would not come out as clearly I may be able to write, but when speaking, I have issues

“It’s a historical fiction novel set in Japan in 1890 about a young woman born of Japanese and American ancestry. She’s never known her Japanese father and she doesn’t want to–until one day two strangers claiming to be guardians from her father say her life is in danger and she must leave town with them immediately. She now has to leave what life she’s known and assume an alias is a remote mountain village, hiding from an unnamed menace and wondering who her father really is.”

>My first novel is about two sisters who have been estranged from each other for 15 years. One of them works at a used and rare bookstore, so I also have some fun book facts woven throughout. In fact, a first edition of Ernest Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls plays an important role.

>*sigh* It’s hard, Rachelle! We’re writiers, not speakers… okay, I’ll try again.

“Good morning, you’re an agent, right? I’m a writer.”

(hopefully she responds with interest)

“Yes, I have written a book based on various experiences in my life. It’s about a young girl who’s wishing for a home. She’s under the guardianship of a half-breed Indian who’s running from prejudice.”

(if we still have time)

“yes, it’s an historical novel, set in the Hudson Valley where I lived for awhile in our family’s travels.”

“It’s been nice meeting you. Here’s my card with my email and phone number. Thank you for listening.”

(Is this better, Rachelle?)

>Wow, how kind of you. I know you’re exhausted.

It’s book three of my historical fiction trilogy with a twist. The twist is that it’s based on a real Underground Railroad family who lived in Ohio.

I’m a little afraid of this book, because the first two books were about sons who struggled with only certain parts of their faith. This youngest son, Tom Rankin, saw his preacher father kicked out of his own church because of his abolition sermons. So now Tom has little use for religion and religious people.

It starts with Tom deciding to rescue four slaves just before the Civil War. He’s going against his elderly father’s advice: never carry the war against slavery into Kentucky, where you risk arrest or even death. But Tom trusts in machines like the new locomotives and steamships to keep his charges hidden in plain sight on the journey to freedom.

There’s a surprise waiting in Canada–one that brings the story of the family’s forty year tradition of aiding fugitives full circle. When the book ends, Tom has some thinking to do–maybe his family’s work was in God’s hands all along.

Whoa, was that your stomach? I bet you skipped lunch to squeeze in more appointments, didn’t you? Here, take this chocolate chunk cookie I smuggled out–there you go. Oh, don’t cry! Here’s a tissue. Now you march straight to your room and take a quick five. Bye-bye.

>I would probably laugh first out of surprise.

“How sweet of you to ask. I have an epic fantasy about a sixteen-year-old girl who wants to join her aunt’s elite cavalry unit. Instead, she gets assigned as an aide to a senile-acting sorcerer with a talent for irritating nobles, botching spells, building fireworks and solving mysteries. Now, someone wants them dead.

>I am currently between pitches and brainstorming a new story, but feedback from any corner is welcome while I hammer this thing out.
========================
Charlie runs a tight ship. She is single-handedly realizing her childhood dream of providing a home for troubled and unwanted kids. But summer leaves her short-handed and she’s forced to employ someone far more challenging than bedwetting pyromaniacs and pregnant runaways – a giant slob of a man with less sense than a spoiled teen pop star when it comes to discipline. He’s a careless, transient fairy tale, the last thing she and these kids need to fill an impossible role shattered beyond repair by deadbeat drunks and perverts. Or is he?

>”A broken-hearted and broken-spirited former dancer and Cold War spy longs to twirl in the sunshine one more time. Now on her deathbed and all alone, she feels compelled to tell her secrets to just one person. But who will care to listen to an old woman’s memories? She finds someone, but telling her secrets puts both their lives in danger from an old enemy.”

Humiliate, um, I mean, critique away!

>Well, I’m currently trying to show the effects heavy binge drinking has on the health of a talented young runner. I’ve got this gifted girl, who (poor thing) has lost her mother, and is now (understandably, given she lives in a depressed area) turning to drink as an off switch. Her competitive mindset soon escalates her drinking, and, by stubbornly refusing to sacrifice her running, she is soon burning the candle at too many ends. Sooner or later, something will have to give: either her running, her drinking or her life. Thanks for listening, I believe this is your floor. I’m Richard, by the way.

>Ah…nothing right now I’m riding on an elevator.

Oh you wanted me to make an elevator pitch? Duh. Nobody said I was too smart. (insert fake nervous laugh here)

I’m writing about a pregnant teenager that faces a tough decision. As well as judgemental parents.

>Grace’s ranger father goes missing in a small North Carolina mountain town. One day, when she is out ocnducting her investigation, she meets a sexy boy. As her search deepens, so does her relationship until she discovers her new guys is a part of an extremist group training and plotting in the remote mountains. Grace goes from being the hunter to the hunted and is throw into a world of heartbreak, conspiracy and murder.

>It’s a story of a young girl in the early days of the studio system. Her delusional mother abandons her marriage and drags the kids out to LA after the older sister wins Miss Dairy and mom seems to think the beautiful older sister is a shoo-in for films. However, money runs thin and our heroine ends up working as a typist at Paramount and witnesses the madness of early Hollywood.

Eventually, the older sister ends up as a party girl who sleeps with producers (going nowhere fast) and the two younger brothers end up abandoned at Hollygrove Children’s Home (real place: Marilyn Monroe lived there).

Our heroine, Carrie, eventually works her way to script girl and marries an older man to get her brothers back.

It’s written in the style of the Scholastic “Dear America” books (my favorite example of a YA series that combines history and good writing) and aimed at teens. I think of it as a cautionary tale for those who do not have realistic dreams.

>I’m working on a thriller about a guy named David who gets a late-night call from his brother to pick him up at the airport. When he arrives, he’s contacted by a mysterious woman who informs him that not only is his brother not on the plane, but there is a group of professional assassins surrounding the airport–and if they can’t get his brother, they’re going to want poor ol’ Dave. She helps him make an escape, and then, while on the run, they have to figure out just what his brother’s gotten himself into.

This is the part where I pause and allow the agent a moment to indicate an interest in continuing, or note that he/she has suddenly pressed the button for the 6th floor and is halfway out of the elevator.

>A techno-suspense novel with bits of romance, adventure, and a few spiritual encounters blended in. The basic story is:

John Truman, a bright, introverted, college student belongs to the New Dawn…he just doesn’t know it yet. The 300-year-old secret society designed him, created him, and built there organization to interface with him. They cannot survive without him; he cannot survive without them. All he wants is a simple, normal life of hanging with his friends, succeeding in business, and living happily ever after with his childhood friend, Susan. All they want…is to rule the world.

What do you think?

>I’m writing an historical novel that takes place in 3rd century Rome, Persia, and Armenia. It’s based on a true story and is about a demon-possessed Armenian king who declares war on God.

>I’m writing a novel about a radio talk show host whose marriage is slowly but surely falling apart but she can’t seem to stop herself from using her marital strife as fodder for her popular show.

Her producer thinks the show is getting off track. Her mother thinks she’s making a fool of herself airing her grievances to millions. Her best friend thinks her rants and raves are her way of telling off her ex-boyfriend.

When she does a segment on gut-punch names, the name of the person who ripped a hole in your soul, she’s rocked to the core when her ex-boyfriend calls the show and proclaims her name to be his gut-punch name.

After the call she slowly starts to realize that maybe her producer is right, that her mother is probably right, and that her best friend could very likely be right.

Then an opportunity to reconcile the past comes along and she has to decide how much she is willing to risk for the closure she now believes will put her life and the show back on track.

Thanks for asking.

>“Well… a little something called THE PUSHOVER PLOT. About this mysterious retired woman who–”

“It’s about a retarded woman?”

“Did I say retarded? Oh, gosh — I meant RETIRED. A retired woman.”

“Not much market for books with retarded people as protagonists.”

“Oh, don’t I know. I mean, of course not, because the percentage of –”

A certain look comes into her eyes. I know that look. Know exactly what it means. She is wondering if they will be offering anything Italian at the lunch buffet. Her gaze drifts toward the illuminated numbers ticking off the levels at hyper-speed, so I plunge on…

“Anyway, this retarded woman –oh, crap– has a SECRET. Only she — she’s kept it for so long she hardly ever thinks about it anymore. But then her apartment building gets sold — see? And she’s forced to take a job — you know, her fixed income isn’t enough to cut it on account of all the problems with the economy, and…”

“Seems to happen a lot these days.”

“Doesn’t it? Well — as I was saying — she is shocked to find out that– not only has everything changed since she had to function in the working world, but she has totally– and I mean TOTALLY — lost her capacity for adjusting to it. She clashes with coworkers… she’s offensive to the bosses (who are younger than her, of course)… all of which ends up making her the number one suspect in the murder of her department administrator! With a –” Here I try my own shot at looking mysterious. “A terrible case of deja vu, I might add.”

There is a slight gasp. But before I can mistake it as piqued interest, it is followed in rapid succession by an expression that clearly means, “Oh, puh-leeze!” that is subsequently interrupted by a DING! and slight jolt, signifying we have reached number fifteen. I try to fit in the last three-quarters of the plot before the doors open.

“But– don’t worry– she’s rescued by a fat man — they fall madly in love — realize they’ve BOTH been victims of deceit — PUSHOVERS, you know? And then they set out on the biggest adventure of their lives!”

“Sounds… interesting.” A polite smile before she leaves. “Best of luck with it.”

I reach a hand out to keep the doors from closing. “It’s the first in my Fat Man and the Lady detective series–” I call after her. “They’re gonna include a lot of Italian recipes!”

I watch the well-dressed figure give a friendly wave without even looking back.

“Hold the doors, please,” comes a voice from down the hall as a thump from my shoe makes them spring open again. A man in a rumpled suit gives an exaggerated leap past me into the elevator, then makes no effort to stifle a bit of delighted laughter at his own prowess. I recognize him as one of the agents on a panel discussion I listened to earlier in the morning. He is slightly overweight…

“Excuse me, but do you…” I give one last shot at looking mysterious. “Like Italian?”

>"Thanks for asking. It's about the events of the New Testament blended together with events from Roman and Jewish History, so you can read about Jesus & Joseph & Mary and Herod the Great and Augustus Caesar – and what they were doing, all at the same time. Because it goes historically, one year at a time.

The first chapter is "9 BC", where Caesar punishes Herod for invading Arabia, right around the same time Zechariah sees the angel Gabriel inside the Temple. So you get to see how those events are buliding toward the birth of Christ. Then the second chapter is "8 BC", when the Governor's planning a census, and then Jesus gets born in "7 BC", and so on. I'm planning to take it as far as 70 AD, but right now the first volume ends shortly after Jesus turns 12, in 7 AD.

Then I shut up. And wait.

If the agent asks what it’s called:

“So far, I’m calling it Jesus, Herod & Caesar: Year-by-Year“

If he/she asks about my scholarship:

“I’m just an amateur but I’ve been working on this for twelve years or more. The book has a section in the back for academic support, written on a higher level than the main story. And I try to be real clear about the fact that this is a plausible reconstruction, and what that means. We have to fill in a few blanks, but we actually know a lot more than a lot of people think.”

If they say ‘I’d like to read that book’

“Could I send you a copy? There’s an early draft on my website but the latest revision is much better than that one. ”

>Don’t blow it. Don’t blow it.

Deep breath.

“It’s a full-length historical romance titled Magistrate’s Folly. For a magistrate with a passion for justice, condemning a young woman he once knew is hard enough. But when he discovers that she was as innocent as she claimed, he risks his career to follow her to the colony of South Carolina and make things right. Can she find it in her heart to forgive or will his greatest folly be falling in love with her.”

“What’s that? You couldn’t tell what I said because it all came out in one long run on sentence and I didn’t pause for breath even once. In fact I haven’t breathed since before I started. Oh I don’t feel so good.”

>It’s a 1880′s romance, where a pregnant widow finds love and salvation on the shores of Soap Lake, WA

>“I’m writing a novel that is set in a remote jungle. A young pregnant village woman discovers that the child in her womb is actually two. In her tribal society, the birth of twins is more than taboo; it’s a mortal curse. So she is confronted with the choice of either killing her newborns (thus eradicating the curse) or entering a life of exile from her people. Against the wishes of her husband and the rest of the village, she chooses exile, fleeing the village in the dark of night. Her husband tracks her down and finds she’s given birth to two boys.

“The father takes one of the boys and raises him in a far-away village where no one knows them. The woman raises the other until she falls ill and dies. The orphaned boy seeks to be accepted back into village life but is rejected by all except a pert, independent-thinking girl who takes a liking to this mysterious and unusual boy.”

“Ding,” the elevator door opens.

“Years pass, and word eventually comes that a young warlord in a far-away village is on the warpath seeking to kill an evil spirit that is stamped with the mark of the moon. Unbeknownst to the orphaned boy, at the base of his neck is a birthmark that bears a striking resemblance to a half-moon.”

“This is my room,” the agent informs.

“Yeah. So anyways,” I continue –

“Slam,” the door closes.

>”Heh, I didn’t know the elevator pitch was an actual thing.

“So it’s science fantasy. Hagai grew up thinking he’s weak, useless, incapable of anything. Then he gets a stone in the post that gives him these random visions of the future, but more than that, it was sent to him by his dead mother. So he sets off on a quest to find her, facing killers and air pirates along the way.”

Beyond that, I kinda agree with Anne L. B. Whatever more I have to say depends on how they’re reacting. Do they seem bored? Interested? If so, in what – Hagai, the pirates, the setting?

And of course what floor are we on?

>My story is about a beautiful, intelligent, 22-year-old judge’s daughter named Allie. She has breezed through life, a success at everything she attempts, and the apple of her Daddy’s eye. Her parents push her into law school, but she gets there and realizes that as successful as she is, she’s miserable. In the midst of this realization, Allie’s 16-year-old sister is in a horrific accident and falls into a coma. At her sister’s bedside, Allie has to decide if she’s going to follow her parents’ dreams for her or if she’s going to break out of the mold, find her own dreams, and in the process, maybe inspire her little sister to do the same.

>But…why would I pitch at a conference when I can just keep stalking you on twitter?

Kiddiiiiiiiiing.

“Oh, hi! You must be Rachelle Gardner, because you are SO BUFF, and I hear that chick works out every day…

I’ve written a story about a messed-up little girl who grows up into a messed-up big girl because her mom is crazy. Well, acts crazy. Like a lot of us, she turns into a success-seeking-missile, and finds the answers and support she thinks she’s looking for among the academic elite in a Women’s Studies department at a major university. But a lot of things don’t add up for her. She’s in a loving marriage that is threatened by her reticence (okay, lies) about her past. Her childhood memories make for a cobbled-together personal history that should direct her rage and disappointment in a direction OTHER than her mom. Through the prayers of her Jesus-following aunt and “can’t-get-out-of-it” circumstances with work, she ends up in her old home town and face-to-face with a blinding look at the truth about her mother’s psychosis and her anger at–and need for–the Jesus she has never considered.

Okay, but enough about me. How did you get those Madonna-arms?”

>Even Eyes Speak

8:30 am. With the blink of an eye, like a flash of time that didn’t exist, I stood in a place where colors were alive, eyes could speak and hearts could hear. Another blink of an eye and a flash of time that did exist, it was now 10:30 am . . . then I cried . . .

An early Sunday morning in the heat torched lands of Djibouti Africa, Adam knew inside his life was about to change. Loving the Lord with a shattered heart, from 35 years of everyday life which defined the limits of his love, he never imagined what true love really is, until he stared Him face to face. Two hours of time, followed by six simple words, and one divine message is released in order to mend the hearts of God’s children in all Nations. Have you ever heard the Eyes of Jesus speak?

>OHMYGOSH – I’m not talented enough to be a realwriter but this blog…I can’t get enough…I can hardly wait to see what everyone will write…what Rachelle will say. There’s no charge for awesomeness, apparently.

I’m going to go figure out my pen-name so I can play.

>Rachelle, did you expect this many people meeting you in the elevator?

I’ve been following this post and there are some interesting stories!

>Hi, I’m Cheri. It’s nice to meet you.

My work is a memoir. The prologue is a vivid account of the night our oldest son left home after we confronted him about using drugs. He was eighteen, and it crushed my husband and me. Our knee-jerk reaction was to vow that our other three kids would never betray us the way he had.

I grew up with alcoholism, surrounded by all that implies, so that made the drug use doubly taboo to me. I didn’t want my kids to ever have to live with addiction. I came to Christ at 25, with this huge need to prove to Him that He’d not made a mistake when He saved me. I had many regrets about my own youth, and in a twisted sort of way, if my own children turned out well, it would be proof to myself and to God, I thought, that I was acceptable. This whole incident with our son threatened to unravel my (here I make little quote symbols with my fingers) plan.

Jump ahead seven years to Chapter One and my discovery of our younger son’s drug use and the fact that he’d been introduced to the drugs by our oldest son. Obviously, the plan (again the little quote symbols with the fingers ~ can’t get through a speech without talking with my hands… sorry) to not let this happen again had failed.

It was here I reached my breaking point. I had nothing left, no way to prove myself to God.

The rest of the book gives the backstory and the details of what happened in the interim seven years, how we got from Point A to Point B.

Once I stopped trying to fix everything, God and Teen Challenge ~ a faith-based drug rehab started by Dave Wilkerson in 1959 ~ took over, and God has brought complete restoration to our family, both sons.

The book’s title is Worth Every Tear, and I hope it will minister to other hurting parents, to let them know that there is hope out there, and that God can get the job done.

>It’s about a girl who’s deluded herself for five years by believing her ‘toad’ was really a ‘prince charming’. Then when the real man of her dreams shows up, she has to decide if she’s strong enough to get rid of the wrong guy and start her future over again.

>I get in the elevator. You push the button. You say your thing.
I smile, but it probably looks more like a grimace.
I say, “Hi Rach-ow!” I suck my tongue into my cheek and try to quench the blood.
The elevator dings. You rush past me, clearly escaping.
I faint.

LOL

>hi

>My current book is actually “my secret life as a reluctant preacher’s wife” but I couldn’t name it that or the people we pastor might get offended, so I titled it “Custom Made Grace for Hope Starved Hearts.” It’s a humorous devotional with stories from my ditzy life, and encouragement for struggling Christians. I write a column in a newspaper with a readership of 5,000 and I speak at church and civic groups. I also… DING!
What did you say your name was?

>Anon 11:33, When you commented originally, you may have checked the box that says something like “email me follow up comments.” I don’t know if there’s a way to stop it. Possibly if you delete all your comments from my blog? Good luck.
P.S. Now you have a small idea of what MY email box looks like.

>It’s so nice to meet you in person! Love your blog, it’s very helpful.

I’m polishing up Hope Springs Eternal. It’s a timeless tale of hope; one I believe that people can relate to today.

It takes place in rural Maine in 1816, “the year there was no summer”. Winter conditions lasted most of the year which led to famine, illness, environmental concerns, economic crisis, dissension. It was a devastating time.

In my story Rachel emigrated from regency England with her idealistic husband, a farmer. She finds herself alone when the weather claims both he and her infant. Micah, a hearty outdoors man, loses a wife he never even loved, in childbirth. Now only Rachel can keep the baby alive.

Micah’s heart is cold, Rachel’s is frozen with fear. The two come together to survive. They discover a hope greater than themselves that will see them through – not only the tragedies of the long winter, but for the seasons to come.

Here’s my my one-sheet so you can learn more about it.

>I’m sweating and my knees are knocking together.

*I’m going to blow it…*

“Um, thanks so much for asking. It’s a historical fiction set in 1911, and it’s about 16-year-old Elizabeth Bronson, who has just finished school and is going to live with her great uncle, who is a mysterious old millionare who is hiding some secret past in his great mansion…”

(The floors are ticking by, I’m about to pass out…my words are coming fast and faster)

“Her biggest dream is to become an actress, but her uncle is totally against it. When she meets actor Donovan Murray, it seems that he’s the answer to her prayers and dreams.”

(Tick, tick, tick…)

“Uh, she comes to a crossroads of following her uncle’s commands or her heart. Maybe her uncle knows more than she thinks. And maybe Donovan isn’t all that he seems.”

(One more floor to go…)

“Anyway, uh, thanks so much for asking.”

(Agent gets off the elevator, my knees buckle, and as they say in the books, everything goes black.)

>It's awfully nice of you to ask!

I’m writing a blog called “eBabies & iTeens and YouToo” that wrestles with questions about kids and technology.

Since you have kids, I’ve been hoping you’d be willing to guest blog for me? (Your Tweet about your girls calling your cell when you’re out jogging with Reagan totally cracked me up!)

We’re tackling issues that end up blind-siding a lot of parents:

Like texting. When’s it okay? When’s it not? Say your 9-year-old’s friend is texting at your dinner table–because it’s okay at his house. What’s your plan for your house?

Or, how to get kids to think before they hit “send”? (I had my students read the article about the social media trainer’s Tweet that offended FedEx. My seniors couldn’t see why one little sentence could be “such a big deal”!)

Or something simple, like losing a purse. Whose “fault” would it be if your 11-year-old lost her purse with $500 worth of techno-gadgets inside? And what would be reasonable consequences? (Not to imply that your daughter actually has $500 worth of technology, of course!

I’m not taking sides — I’m not “fer” or “agin” Facebook, for example. But when I found out that my 13-year-old had a Facebook account for 2 years before I knew about it, I was against me, the adult, being that ignorant!

So my blog (and, ultimately, book) is both a 411 and a 911 resource for parents playing catch-up with Generation M.

**********

Ideally, this would become a dialogue early on and last beyond the 17th floor. If not, I’d do a quick wrap at the 16th floor and be ready to say, “Have a wonderful evening!” by the 17th floor ding!

>My book is set in the future, during a time after a genetic plague, when cloning is the only method for having children.

Children are very expensive. Moyer Winfield feels his marraige slipping away. His wife, Robyn, is desperate to have a baby, and he would anything to make her happy, but they are still years away from saving enough money.

One day, a friend tells them Hogan-Perko, the corporation who owns the cloning process and has a monopoly on baby production, is sometimes willing to negotiate the price of a baby. This negotiation places Moyer face to face with the man himself, Victor Perko, CEO of Hogan-Perko, and widely recognized as the most powerful man on Earth. Perko agrees to forgo most off the cost for a baby if Moyer will do him a favor.

Over the nine months their baby is being cultivated, Perko’s demands escalate as he enlists Moyer to help destroy his enemies. Moyer must determine how far he will go to have a baby and save his marriage.

Thanks for your time, and I’m sorry for hitting all the buttons between 6 and 15.

>“Thanks for your time, and I’m sorry for hitting all the buttons between 6 and 15.”

Okay, that made me laugh out loud.

>I thought the anonymous “hi” posts were from someone who really was that nervous, and that’s all they could get out.

>P.S. Correction:

Ideally, this would become a dialogue early on and last beyond the 15th floor. If not, I’d do a quick wrap at the 14th floor and be ready to say, “Have a wonderful evening!” by the 15th floor ding!

(I got the floors mixed up in my original, leaving myself talking to the thin air for the last two floors. Of course, I’m used to talking with nobody listening, but that’s a different pitch . . . and I don’t dare write a snarky what-teachers-really-think-but-never-say-aloud book until after I retire!)

>It’s a women’s fiction novel called “Reflections From the Hot Zone”. Say this elevator became stuck on floor 13 and the AC died and the doors wouldn’t open. My main character, Sylvia, feels like that. She’s going through menopause, feels like her life is almost over. But, she’s fiesty, and is desperate to find a way to cope. The story is her adventure through this stage, from the hilarious, to the poignant. She forms a club with some girlfriends. They even have a uniform, undies from Victoria’s Secret. Sylvia dallies with a few men, goes foxhunting. The club members get arrested in Las Vegas. The story involves men, horses, dogs, success, and failure. All the ups and downs of life, magnified by the power of hot flashes. I think readers will love Sylvia. I know I do. I want to be her!

>Hey, I think you are great to do this at all!

>”Wow! Hi Mrs. Gardner…is it OK if I call you Rachelle? Thanks… you probably hear this all the time but I’m a big fan. I read your blog almost every day. I’m the Orca, the big black and white whale thing…Yah, It has to do with a nickname one of my kids gave me before I lost the weight.
Oh yah, I’m sorry…the pitch. Sure. It’s something I just finished, and I mean finished.How many revisions does a person have to do anyway?
We’re half way to your floor? Oops sorry. OK..My story is about three teenage orphans who travel across the arctic in an old school bus ( well, that’s before the bus goes over a waterfall) and anyway they’re travelling with the last polar bear (his name is Wapi which means Fortunate One in Inuit)) and they have only a short time in which to to get to The Far North and save the world from global warming ( melting.) Yah, he’s just a regular bear. he doesn’t talk or wear armour or anything.
No…it’s not really just a teen book. There’s lots of dialogue about cool stuff like native mythology, global warming, evolution…stuff like that and faith (lots of stuff about faith..I think you would like that.)
The kids have this mysterious box that hasn’t been opened for thousands of years..Yah, It does contain the golden censor… So you did read my query letter!
Cool…Yah…I’ve got the manuscript right here. Sure, contact info is inside. Thanks…You’re awesome.

>Okay, can I tell you what happened in the elevator at the ACFW conf last Sept? I had practiced my pitch but I’m not the type to pitch to just anybody. Then, a carload of us were on our way down and the doors opened around the 4th floor and a well-known agent walked in, turned around and stood facing the closed doors. He was right beside me. Silence descended.

I thought it was hilarious. I watched the numbers and when we reached that point when the elevator has reached the floor but the doors haven’t opened yet, I turned to him, snapped my fingers and said in a loud voice, ‘Oh no! Elevator pitch.’

The look on his face was priceless. Groans filled the car. The doors opened. He glanced at my name tag and then walked out shaking his head. Yes, I rec’d some ‘looks’ but that one event is branded into my brain. I loved it!

As for my pitch, this is what it would have been if he had been my ‘dream agent’:

I’ve written an Historical Romance set in 1875 Wyoming Territory. Dan’s father thinks he’s a coward so Dan goes west to prove his bravery by infiltrating an outlaw gang, secretly recording their activities and then turning the outlaws in for the glory. But, his plans go awry when the gang grabs an eyewitness. Now, Dan’s got to figure out how to keep the woman alive until he can safely return her to her family.

Thanks Rachelle.

>My WIP is the story of Sunny, a political prisoner in the US after nuclear war has torn apart the government and forced the nation into martial law. She just wants to live a normal, quiet life, but because her parents have been convicted of treason for opposing the corrupt martial law, she’s under constant surveillance to ensure she’s not a threat.

But when her best friend escapes the prison, only to come back later with a group of insurrectionists, she gets dragged into a plot to overthrow the martial law an put in power a governing body that’s less corrupt and has the nation’s best interests at heart.

…Wow. That agent would be pressing the buttons for sooner floors like a madman by now. I really need to work on my pitches. And I understand that you don’t rep sci-fi, but I figured I could use this as an exercise even if you didn’t critique mine.

Thanks for the great exercise!

>Nice to meet you, Rachelle. I’m working on a Women’s Bible study called “From Fast Food to Fine Dining”. It uses food (which we all love) as a backdrop for different ways we experience prayer and worship. I hope to take women from a diet of fast food prayer – the 30 second petition – to opportunities for a gourmet, fancy meal. Maybe a prayer retreat or “Night of Praise”

>”I’m writing about sex.” Smile Broadly “I wanted to write a book that would give women permission to enjoy sex without feeling ashamed or dirty. I also wanted to write a book that would help them talk to their husbands about what they wanted and needed. So…” shrugs “I wrote a book.” laughs “I wrote a story that will hopefully be an encouragement and inspiration to the average woman. It’s called Some Like It Spicy. I think it’s funny and freeing. I hope the readers do, too.”

>Hi Nice Blog.SoberRecovery & SoberRecovery Community Forums lists hundreds of drug rehabcenters, drug addiction treatment and alcoholism treatment resources in the U.S.